I slept for just shy of 10 hours last night. That is highly unusual for me. Normally I wake up around 7 1/2 hours. I think I am making up for the school year.

I’m reading a lot, both on the internet and actual books. It feels really nice to not be pressured or on a deadline.

My lovely husband rocks so hard. He came home from work last night and did most of the work to make dinner. Then we had a fabulous date night. I married the best perv ever! (Ok, so there are still a few skillz I would like him to develop but he is coming along nicely…) This “communication” stuff is really handy.

I’ve been talking to Tom more and feeling more comfortable about it. I still feel a bit tense when I watch him playing (I don’t spend much time doing this) but there is less tension and more happiness that he is happy. I really do love him and want him to be happy and I know that he never would have had all that he needed with me. And I really am better off with Noah so it’s a win all the way around. I think I feel so connected to him still because he was the first person to love me so much or so well and I try very hard to appreciate what people do for me. The fact that what he had to give ended up not being enough in the long run is really not his fault.

Alright, I’ll say it. Off birth control. Don’t know when anything more interesting is going to actually happen as I have no control over that. Lots of looking down and chanting “ovulate!!” I amuse me. The first two weeks I was pretty batty and all over the place emotionally but that has passed and I’m feeling generally pretty cheerful. The fact that it coincided with lots of job stress and then no job stress probably helps.

Still having a hard time believing that I am not too difficult to put up with. Noah says I’m ok, but it’s hard. I’m so scared of pushing him away and I know I am tempermental. Gah. Have to just accept that I’ll never be placid or even tempered. Suckful acceptance.

My body is being weird. I think it is mostly that I am sitting on my ass too much. I’m stiff and sore most places most of the time. I’m also a wee bit chunkier than is optimal for normal usage. (My jeans don’t really fit.) Other than that: my hair is freshly red and my jaw hurts all the time. Looks like braces are mandatory. Damnit! I really hate dental stuff.

Family stuff continues to suck. I’m thinking that I should do another six months or so without talking to any of them. My mom recently asked me to have dinner so she could give me my baby pictures because she doesn’t want them. This following on the heels of her telling me that my bio-family isn’t my family, my chosen family is along with her threatening to sue me if I publicly disclose stuff about my life… yeah. I think maybe it’s time for some non-talking. My sister doesn’t even want me to know where she lives–as in she has told her children they are not to give me their address. Awesome. Jimmy still doesn’t want to speak to me and may never again. My aunt doesn’t believe me about the stuff that has been happening because she has never heard about it before from anyone else. Yeah. Just… yeah. That’s ok. I have a Mom who wants to be part of my life. I have a Dad and a Daddy both of whom love me and dote on me and give me the kind of support I need. I have people all over the country who love me and support me. I suppose my mother is right. I do have a family and she isn’t part of it.

Computer woes continue. At least this time I managed to back everything up. Heh. Still thinking about buying an Apple instead of a PC. Luckily, I have my work computer to use over the summer so it isn’t mandatory yet.

Given the impending kidlet situation, having two vehicles that don’t place one of us at serious risk of injury daily is a mandatory situation. I’ve been looking around and I’m pretty sure I want a Mazda 5. (The Prius was supposed to be Noah’s car from the start…) I have wanted an Element for years, but seeing as there could be three booster seats in our future, a four seater vehicle is just not an option. *sigh* There goes that dream. Is ok. Babies are more interesting than a vehicle I can clean with a hose. 🙂 It’s going to be a bit more expensive than we were hoping for, but it will be doable.

My student loan debt will be gone before school starts again. We will have just the mortgage in debt and that is such a nice feeling.

Kids are scheduled to come paint the house when I get back from the honeymoon. I’m actually looking forward to it. 🙂

I leave on Monday to see my friends and Noah is joining me on Thursday. We are going to be backpacking for a week. I’m so excited!

Life… life is not completely 100% perfect, but life is good.