Alright. It’s done. I’ve freakin registered. We are registered at Target and at Crate and Barrel. Target has stuff that is more day-to-day useful and C&B has the perty stuff I would really like to have, but will probably never buy for myself because I am too practical.
I would like to say at this exact moment that I am not expecting anyone to buy us anything. I registered because people have been pressuring me to do so. I have a strong dislike of the societal rules that dictate that we should expect gifts just because we were foolish enough to get married. The entire gift giving culture is one I have a hard time with. I love to give presents; it makes me happy to see people enjoy the things I give them. However, when I give someone a present it is 99.99% of the time with no expectation of reciprication or of particular acknowledgment. (I expect Noah to give me Christmas present–but he and I are clear on that so I’m ok with that exception to the normal rule.) I believe that Thank You notes are neat things that are fun to give/get sometimes but should in no way be mandatory. I was not brought up in a family where such things were standard and I have been shocked as an adult by the number of people who have told me that I am rude for not sending them. ?! Wait–aren’t *you* the rude one for rebuking me for the behavior based on my culture?!
So I will say this: I made gift registries because I know that giving presents feels good. However, keep in mind that your culture around gift exchange and my culture around gift exchange may be very different. If it is important to you to get a thank you card, tell me and I will make an effort in that direction for you because I make efforts to accomodate/appreciate my friends as they most appreciate. DO NOT EXPECT ONE AS A MATTER OF COURSE. That custom is not part of my life. If you will feel like I am ungrateful/unappreciative if I do not respond in a certain way, just don’t give me a fucking present because I don’t need more guilt in my life.
(Oh: event date is July 21, 2007. If you don’t know the last name ask me.)
The icon is priceless, Dear.
I, too, have never been really grand on the whole gift necessity idea that society likes so much, so “you’re not alone” applies.
Hope your Friday is a good one.
I can’t think of the last name!
send to brehen_fairy
I think the thank you card idea came simply from wanting an acknowledgment that the gift was received. I mean, if I’m there to see you open it and see your reaction, that’s fine by me, no card required. But if I mailed something I’d want to know that: A)you got it, and B)that you liked it (if you did).
A phone call can serve much the same purpose. When someone does something nice, they just want to hear that it was appreciated.
The problem is that people have specific expectations of how they want to hear that it was appreciated and if I don’t live up to that then they say I am rude.
There are a great many people for whom a telephone call is just not the same and they get very pissy.
I don’t care so much about a Thank You card as just knowing the gift got there. Especially long distance like this. A friend once sent me flowers through a mostly reputable florist. What I got turned out to be not at all what he thought he sent, so we’re both glad he checked in on it.
at crate and barrel you registered for like 4 things… and you got two mixers down
According to what I see there are 18 things and some of them I want duplicates.
man, I still haven’t done my thankyou cards… comes from doing the evite thing, there’s lots of peoples I don’t HAVE any snail-mail address for! argh! I wish I could (heck, maybe I COULD) do a blanket statement like this… but I DO want Jeff to send notes to his extended family. They were very sweet and unconventional with their gifts, and it rocked.
I RSVP’d yes to the reception, I believe, but if current travel plans pan out we will be in Canada 7/21. If so, congratulations, and regrets. And much love.
Darliing, I really REALLY wanted to be there on the 21st but I’m just not going to be able to make it. I have a work function I have to be at during the day, and I’m not up to the drive there and back in the evening.
Please know that I’ll be there in my heart.
It’s a 12-5 thing anyway. 🙂
What name are you registered under? A URL or something would be nice. No gift card necessary. Just knowing that you are uncomfortable getting gifts is reward enough for me.
I get it about thank-you notes. And I agree, for gifts that I give or receive in person. But I want to drop this thought into your ear:
People will send you wedding presents from distances, and they’ll need to know if they got there.
Also, people will bring presents to the reception (where you should not open them) so they will also want to know that you got the gift; it wasn’t lost, etc. ‘Coz it happens, oh yes it does.