I have been having an issue for a while now and I have been trying to deal with it in a way that is simply not working for me. I’m about to drastically change how I deal with it and it seems reasonable to let people know what I will be doing and why.

I love my friends–I really do. I don’t put up with people I don’t like/love very much. I have, however, gotten to the breaking point on geeking. I understand that my friends are all very fascinated by their technical gizmos and programming and whatever else stuff ya’ll are into. I do not share this fascination, not even slightly. In general I understand that my lack of technical interest is fairly uncommon in my group of friends so I just kind of tune out when the conversation gets very technical. Unfortunately it has gotten to the point where I have started timing the portion of geek talking to conversation I am able to participate in and many gatherings are 2/3 conversations I can’t be part of. Given how little time I actually spend with people this is pretty unacceptable to me.

The thing that is bothering me the most is when I manage to start having a non-geeky conversation with one person and someone else joins the conversation and within five minutes they have steered the conversation to where I am completely excluded. I am not saying anyone is awful and horrible for this, but I do think it is thoughtless, inconsiderate, and rude. It is rather difficult to get most of you into a non-geeky conversation at a group event and it is hard for me to keep putting energy into a losing battle of trying. I feel very demoralized and rejected at most group events and that is a big factor in why I have just not been going. I don’t think my friends realize how much you are rejecting my participation in a conversation when you spend hours talking about things I have absolutely no interest in or knowledge of. You might as well switch to German for all I understand.

And I’m done. I’m sick of feeling like that at group events. I’m not going to sit there and feel like shit anymore. I am going to start getting up and leaving. If I am going to be ignored and exluded from conversation I would rather do that in a different place so it doesn’t feel like such a slap in the face. I understand that no one is really consciously trying to hurt me–I do understand that. However knowing that people aren’t trying to hurt me doesn’t change the fact that it hurts me.

I am completely uninterested in being told that I should listen and try to learn from the situation and I would greatly appreciate it if no one gave me such advice. I will in fact be very angry if anyone tells me that I should get over my feelings and try to be more accepting. This is about setting boundaries and I have that right. Once upon a time I used to go to a munch and the boys liked to talk about guns, cars, and computers. Guns and cars are both more accessible topics for me as I have a fairly significant level of understanding of both, however I have no interest. The boys learned that they were free to talk about guns, cars, and computers but I would walk away from the conversation. I am not saying people shouldn’t talk about things I have no interest in, I am saying I am not going to sit and listen. It isn’t that I can’t understand it is that I don’t care to.