We have a whole freakin lot of chocolate, some of it really good some of it enh. We have a ridiculous amount of vanilla ice cream. We have a bottle of 1977 Taylor Fladgate port which is absolutely divine.
Anyone want to come over on Thursday and enjoy a combination of the above with us? 🙂
For a while now I have felt that I will not support the Citadel by going to parties or playing there because the favortism and attitudes that the owners have towards their little pets. I went to classes periodically because that was the only place to see those classes. I have decided that I am better off missing those events. I won’t give that space one more dollar of my money. I have no respect for the way it is being run, for the gossip, for the bullshit posturing, for the ridiculous ass-kissing, for any of it really. I want nothing to do with the space in any way. They repeatedly delete all threads that specifically list complaints with how the space is being run and then say, “Well, why don’t you volunteer if you want things to be different!” Because volunteering there does nothing to change the system. The well is poisoned from the very top and that can’t/won’t be fixed by volunteering. Instead, I will vote with my feet and my wallet.
I’ve been around long enough to know that I just need to be patient. This space will go away eventually.
Quite a while back Noah and I discussed what sorts of things should change about our lives when it comes to having children. As it turns out, we both feel pretty strongly that it would not be a good idea to have outside “relationships” while breeding and raising young’uns. Yes, there is the issue of potential disease risk, but mostly there is the little matter of heavily nesting and wanting to direct that sort of energy towards our family and our future. We both have a tendency towards “Ooh! Shiny!” and that isn’t a good thing to be doing while we should be spending our energy on other things. At this point we are quite firmly into the, “Kid could happen at any point. No really. Any.Day.Now. Ovulate already you stupid ovary!!!!” Heh.
What this means for us is that we are not polyamorous. We are not pursuing outside relationships as they take away energy and time that we want to keep between us. This brings us to the fact that we live in a binary society–if we aren’t polyamorous, we’re monogamous–right? Well, mostly. There will be no baby making sex any year soon as that is something we think would be a very Bad Idea to do while trying to breed. Paternity issues and disease risk just aren’t things we feel are worth the neato-ness of outside sex. Being us, we still really really like the idea of flirting and *some* sexual contact with other people. I suppose this means that we aren’t 100% completely and totally monogamous as oral sex does count as sex. But we also feel like such potential foreys into playing with other people should be done together and very rare. In fact, it isn’t for certain that this will happen and it will be all talked about and stuff and evaluated on a case by case basis of “how much drama could this person potential add into our lives.”
So yeah. That’s what “not really available” means for us. At least until last kid is a year or more old. 🙂 Of course I still like talking about sex, pretty much constantly. Please please don’t take this as a sign of “I want to have sex with you.”
Having a hot boy hit on me feels nice. Having a hot boy hit on me who doesn’t already love me because I am a spiffy person feels even better. And it turns out that this hot boy has so many overlapping social circles with me that my brain is about to explode. He knows and and and and many other people I know less well and not really through lj. My head is about to go BOOM!!
Noah has pointed out to me that despite the fact that I have really good stories I should specifically state that despite my usual rampant sluttiness I am not available anymore. Hm. Yeah. I hadn’t really thought of it as leading him on, I’m just telling stories. Oh, but people get impressions from those stories… Right. *sigh*
I’m uhm, kind of strange. I have always liked sending food off with my SO such that he can share it with people at work. I have had some interesting mixed reactions over time. So, what would ya’ll think of it? If you want to, explain your answer in comments.
Rob tells Virgos:
In the language of the Hopi Indians, koyaanisqatsi means “crazy life,” “life in turmoil,” or “life out of balance.” It’s usually invoked to describe a culture that’s in disarray because of corruption and lack of vision. In the horoscope you’re now reading, however, I’m using it to identify a chaotic state that each of us periodically goes through in our personal life. It’s a phase when we lose our moorings, when we’re out of touch with our moral center. On the one hand, it’s uncomfortable and disorienting. On the other hand, the brain-scrambling it stirs up is often a blessing. It flushes out mental habits that no longer serve us. It provokes creative innovations by rearranging the contents of our psyche. According to my reading of the omens, this is such a time for you, Virgo. Happy koyaanisqatsi!
He tells Libras:
The muskmelon is a fruit that continues to ripen after it’s picked, whereas a watermelon stops ripening the moment it’s plucked from the vine. As you enter your own personal harvest season, Libra, keep that difference in mind; it’ll be a useful metaphor. Some of the “crops” you’ve been growing all these months are like muskmelons, while others are like watermelons. Do you know which are which? Let the watermelon-like fruits of your labors stay on the vine until you’re absolutely sure they’re fully mature.
Both of them seem kind of random for me.
Party the first at this location was remarkably… mellow. People only played if I pushed them to play pretty hard. I found this amusing. I have already been asked if I plan to host more sex parties and seeing as Noah and I have talked about that several times I figure it is worthwhile to see what kind of interest people have. This is a fairly narrow filter, though most of the time partners are on the filter. Please do not spread around mention of this as there are many “obvious” people to invite to this sort of party who I am not inviting for whatever reason. I’m thinking that once I get past the initial bit of confirmation of interest I will switch to emails and I will ask people if they want to recommend anyone for the party invite list at that point.
Comments are screened. Are you interested in this sort of event? Do you want me to invite you to such an event? Do you wish I would stop assuming you were interested in this sort of event? Please let me know. 🙂
(If there are no major conflicts the weekend of August 25/26 might be good for an event. Please tell me if you know of conflicts.)
Avenue Q tickets purchased for Tuesday August 14th. Where are ya’ll meeting for dinner? 🙂
We are now registered for a tantra class on Becoming Multi-Orgasmic. I understand that this is like shooting fish in a barrel for me, but maybe I will learn a new trick or two and having Noah learn more woule be very very hot. It is happening the weekend of September 14-16 up in Harbin Hot Springs (where I’ve never been). It would be way fun if other people decided to come toojoin us. Information can be found at: http://www.ecstaticliving.com/workshops/Bmulti-orgasmic.html
My friend Chris is also trying to move up the ladder of tantra training and one of the things he needs to do is teach intro-level tantra classes. Because intro-level tantra classes are often pretty small he has asked me if he can borrow my living room for some of them. This also means he has indicated to me that the classes can go from their usual (high) price to basically free. Not renting a space is awesome like that. Being me, I would feel more comfortable if the classes were mainly people I know so here I am trolling to see if anyone would like to come to a tantra class. 🙂 Feel free to contact me for more information and I can push you towards Chris as well. I actually think this would be a really awesome thing to participate in with people I know and really trust so I’m hoping some of you are willing to give it a shot.
In other news, after sticking my foot in my mouth yesterday with Anna I did something I haven’t done in ages–I spent the day masturbating. Holy cow can I have a lot of orgasms when I decide to spend the time on it. Much yay!
In other, other news… I noticed that I have just about a month until I start work again. If you want to spend time with me, now is the time to arrange that. Particularly if you have any day-time available.
I have a bad memory about things that bother me. I tend to forget the specifics about why my friends really bother me and then later I feel like I am over reacting, they haven’t acted like this before! Even when it is a constant pattern. So I’m going to list some of the ways I’m feeling frustrated with Anna because otherwise I’ll wonder later if this is a pattern or not.
She is critical of everything–no really, everything. Noah was putting together a little table and she was sniping about him following the directions and then he wasn’t doing things how she would and… it was ridiculous.
She is one of the most materialistic people I know, but in some really idiotic ways. She spends $100/month on hair and skin products. She gets pedicures. She is spending thousands of dollars on her 12 year old cat because the cat is going down hill fast in health. She is crying because her iPod broke and she can’t buy another one. These things would be less glaring to me if she had a job. She is in grad school, but just like her BA took 6 years it is looking like her MA will take 4+ years and she can’t hold down a job on top of doing grad school because she has outrageous health issues and a severe drug addiction. She sleeps on a motorhome mattress on blocks in the house because she can’t afford a bed. She doesn’t have a running car so she shares her parents cars given that she goes to school an hour away from where they live. I… I just have no sympathy for her financial priorities.
She is incredibly self-absorbed and inconsiderate. What is up with throwing a temper tantrum because I don’t want to have her at the book store when it opens the morning of my wedding reception? She has spent a bunch of time talking on the phone with various friends, but when I play around on the computer because she is on the phone she expects me to stop being on the computer within about 30 seconds of when she wants to be entertained. She also bossily tells me that I have to stop at a store, instead of asking. When we are in a store she wanders off for long periods and then I can’t find her. This was very inconvenient in Ikea.
I used to think Anna was smart, I’m starting to wonder though. She argues with everything but can’t back up any of her claims. For example, we (Noah and I) were talking about medical insurance denying claims and under what circumstances they get away with it. One of the things that we specifically were talking about was in the case of very young children. She interjected that there is a federal law. Uhm, about what? If a baby is more than 1 pound, everything humanly possible has to be done to save the life of the child. Uhm… is this a law affecting hospitals? Doctors? Does it require insurance companies to pay for said extraordinary measures? She has no idea. She just knows there is a law. Well that’s bloody helpful in an discussion. Darling, I can say there is a law about almost every topic under the sun, but if I don’t know anything about what law in particular I want to reference I should keep my mouth shut about it.
Oh! And I love when she starts going off on how “relationships should work.” She has never had a serious partner at all. When I say that I mean she has never dated anyone for more than two weeks. She is 27. But she knows all there is to know about how relationships should work. The list of her rants would fill 5 pages and I’m not in the mood to rehash all of them.
The one part I found really funny was: she’s been set up a few times lately by friends to go out on “group dates” with people from her grad department. Her friends want to help her find someone interesting. She has only told them that she hasn’t had much dating experience because she has always been too focused on her school work. (Then why did it take you six years to get through a BA and you only got a 3.2?) But when the group goes out they mostly want to talk about what they have in common-namely grad school and their experiments because they are all science people. She thinks it is boring to talk about science, why don’t they have more diverse interests? . . . Wait, you tell people that you haven’t dated much because you are totally into school so they set you up with people who are really into school and you don’t want to talk about school because it isn’t very interesting? Uhm, mixed messages much?
I’m frustrated. I’m writing this down because I wonder if she has always been this way and I still have a friendship with her because I spend very little time with her so I forget that she has always been this way.
1015UU Confirmation # for Dolphin in in Carmel for Friday and Saturday
http://www.ibts-candlelight.com/
$170.10/night
There weren’t many options. Carmel is hella booked up this weekend.
Haven’t killed Anna yet. Thinking about it.
Noelle asked me “what purpose [does] hating yourself serve for you. What function does it fill?”
I’ve been thinking about the question in the back of my mind since she asked me that. I think it is tied up in many things. It amuses me that people often talk about how I am bitchy/sharp/abrasive/whatever but they tend to be people who like me and they are relating that they like me in spite of my being whatever way. 70something people showed up at my house on Saturday and the number would have been higher if people hadn’t been sick or if they didn’t live so far away. I collect people. It is important to me to be liked and appreciated by people. I belive that it is so important to me because I didn’t have friends through most of growing up and my family never liked me very much because I am different from them.
The event was amazing. Anna came through and helped with food way more than I thought she would. My friends are wonderful friendly people. My husband is the best boy ever.
Delightful. Wonderful. Yay!! Does this mean we are well and truly married now? (I need to work on developing the pictures people took.)
HEY! ANYONE DRIVING NEAR FREMONT!!! Apparently, the police are out in major force today. Don’t break any traffic laws even slightly.
Now on to the rest of my fussing..
We are about as ready as we are going to get and I’m pretty ok with that level of ready. Yay for ready.
My pissiness this morning centers around Anna. She’s here visiting for a while. I haven’t spent serious time with her in 3+ years. I’ve been uhm, busy.
Backstory: Anna had back surgery about 6 months ago and is in serioius pain a lot of the time. She can’t lift much and she often needs to go rest. I’m fine with this. However, I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. The only thing I have asked her to do was to iron the curtains. There were 6 panels. It took her about 9 hours over two days because she kept complaining about how much she hates to iron. Uhm, well, there isn’t much else you are capable of doing. And I have this awful Puritan work ethic that means I get bitchy about people sitting around doing nothing while I work. It really bugs me. However, I know she can’t do much so I don’t have that high of expectations. Even with really low expectations the fact that she was whining about doing the one small task I gave her really pissed me off.
Oh, and she has been fussing for two days that she had to go buy the Harry Potter book at 9am. Uhm, Anna–do you recognize that we are kind of busy? She gave me this long story basically repeating for me what I know about the fact that her life is really pathetic and she has nothing to look forward to except for this book. I have some sympathy for this, but I also have 100 people coming to my house today.
I didn’t kill her. She has her fucking book. She carried 10 bottles of wine and washed a few bowls. I think that is all I am going to get from her…
But we are done. This rocks. Now I can calm down! Now I get to breathe and chill out and stop stressing. I can do this.
24 hours. (Ok, and a few minutes…)
I’m not done. For most values of “done” I won’t be done. The yard is going to be imperfect and far from pretty, but that’s how life goes. We don’t have much of a handle on the yard in general and there is no faking that we do. The paint job is… yeah. Lots more touching up is going to have to happen. But the inside of the house is getting much better. To go from a house set-up for daily life to completely tearing everything apart and moving almost entirely into the garage to painting to having a house set-up for daily life again in two weeks is pretty good.
I can do this. Even if Noah does doubt my ability to make the house tidy by tonight. 😛
We are going to try for FNW. 🙂 It’s a maybe.
What do I really really really really really really not want to have happen right before a big party? The plumbing get uhm finicky. Yeah. Not good. The plumber will be here in just over an hour. Thank the gods.
Still so much to do and so little time. Thankfully the bathroom was repainted yesterday by the lovely Turtle and it looks pretty damn good. Other friends are volunteering their time to help me finish the rest of the to-do list. Have I mentioned that I have great friends? Cause I really do.
Nervous and overwhelmed, but plugging along. Have I mentioned that this was a bad week to get into a less than pleasant discussion about D/s stuff? Yeah, that was ill-timed. Maybe working on a solution though.
Ok, time to start working.
Lack of sleep catches up with me and leads to feeling really really shitty. Today’s bad loop tape: all the people who hate me.
I wish there weren’t so many of them. I wish I didn’t feel so responsible for them hating me. I wish I didn’t feel like they hate me because I am just such a horrible/bad person and I deserve to be hated.
So little time and so much to do. I actually do this sort of thing to myself on purpose. Many of the things on my To Do list have been there for months, but I only get around to doing them when I have a huge bunch of people who will notice if I have done them or not. The funny thing is–people will notice the really drastic stuff (the house being painted a bunch of very different, very dark colors) but no one but me will notice many of these things. I still care that I want to hang the pictures before the party. I want to feel settled in that way at the party. There is no way that we will be finished with painting before the party, but Noah has requested that I fix the bathroom because it is really badly painted. (The kids just skipped parts they didn’t feel like doing. The paint is incredibly uneven and you can see white wall through big chunks.) Looks like I will spend tomorrow doing that.
Noah told me last night that I should take today off and rest but I fiercely argued with him that if I take today off and I start running behind later in the week then I won’t be able to finish on time and then I will be not sleeping the nights before the event as I try to finish and… All bad. But then we didn’t get out of bed today until around 10. It is very rare for us to stay in bed so long. I’m exhausted and there aren’t very many parts of me that don’t hurt. I have a list of stuff to get done that is growing instead of getting shorter despite the fact that Noah rocks and has been working like mad.
Side bar–Noah and I don’t have the same values or priorities about housekeeping even slightly. Nevertheless he has been working very hard lately to meet and exceed my desires for our house. I’m deeply grateful that he is stretching himself in this way because it means I don’t have to do everything. It is a weird cognitive thing to wrap my head around that he is doing this stuff for *me* instead of just because it “should get done.” He is such a lovely boy.
Anyway, so I’m exhausted and grumpy and fussy and there are miles to go before I sleep.
that all of my significant ex’s are coming to the reception. Stephen, Tom, and Puppy represent the serious long-term relationships where we lived together and were monogamous. Then I have James, Anthony, and Erik representing the shorter term more serious attempts at poly. Then there are the myriad of people I dated/slept with who are coming.
The less funny part is that not many of Noah’s ex’s are coming. Uhm, I mean one is coming. Yeah. See, my ex’s are all non-drama and friendly and good-natured about just about any/every thing. Noah’s ex’s…. not so much. Of course I feel guilty anyway. (Not every single one of his ex’s are drama, but the ones who aren’t drama either don’t want to come to our house or aren’t interested in this event or aren’t in the area.)
I haven’t hosted a party this size in… well… ever. I’m getting nervous.
After my stressing and freaking out, the house is painted. It isn’t painted *well*, but I had high school students doing it, some of whom had never painted before. They made more of a mess on my carpet than I am thrilled about. But you know what? It’s freaking painted. I need to go back through and do a lot of touching up and I’m good with that. I can handle that. I’m still overall happy the kids came and did so much work.
I’m waiting a few days before I put furniture back and it will be longer still before the bathroom is actually perfect, such is life. Hopefully I will manage the rest of the touch ups and finish the cabinets on Sunday. Holding my breath would be a bad idea though. I have just seven days left till the reception. Sunday will be insanely busy, but I think I can do this.