Noelle asked me “what purpose [does] hating yourself serve for you. What function does it fill?”

I’ve been thinking about the question in the back of my mind since she asked me that. I think it is tied up in many things. It amuses me that people often talk about how I am bitchy/sharp/abrasive/whatever but they tend to be people who like me and they are relating that they like me in spite of my being whatever way. 70something people showed up at my house on Saturday and the number would have been higher if people hadn’t been sick or if they didn’t live so far away. I collect people. It is important to me to be liked and appreciated by people. I belive that it is so important to me because I didn’t have friends through most of growing up and my family never liked me very much because I am different from them.