Monthly Archives: July 2007

Optimism is dangerous.

Shower?

As of Monday I was ready to cry because only one kid showed up and I was terrified that we would never get even close to my schedule. On Tuesday four kids came and it turns out that one of the parents of one of the kids has a paint spray machine that he will let me borrow. So we got all of the hole filling and wall washing done and we can do all of the primer today in about two hours. Then we can do all of the painting on Thursday. And me and one kid will be doing that bit while another kid does the bathroom and two or three kids work in the kitchen. Did I mention there will be one to two more kids doing yardwork today and tomorrow? I’m terribly excited. We are so going to finish on time.

However, this means we are sleeping in a tent in the back yard for a few days because the spray machine requires so much fucking plastic wrap over everything it’s just not funny. We also shouldn’t use the shower because the paint in there requires drying before it is water resistent. I’ll deal with smelling funny for a day or two, but it seems impolite to go be social on Saturday without a shower. Does anyone have a shower they are willing to let Noah and I come use on Saturday morning? We could just go to 24 hour fitness, but this gives us the mixed excuse of maybe grabbing breakfast with someone. 🙂

Home Desperate doesn’t love me.

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I do declare that the gods of Home Depot hate me. But! I do finally have paint and all necessary equipment to start painting my house. I have about 10 days in which to paint my house and get completely ready for the reception. I can do this. I painted each room in Tom’s house, by myself, in a day. I have 4-6ish students who will be here helping me. No sweat.

The plan:
Monday- do all of the pre-painting stuff (cleaning walls, removing blinds/outlets, fixing drywall, filling holes) with maybe doing some primer, but it isn’t mandatory it would just be nice. The last hour or so of kids being here will involve at least one or two of them doing a bunch of yard work so we can fill the green waste bin for this week before filling it again next week.
Tuesday- primer the whole house and do more yard work.
Wednesday- paint at least half the house and maybe yard work (depends on painting).
Thursday- paint the last bits of most of the house with probably some kitchen stuff remaining.
Friday- finish the kitchen and do yard work.

This way, if I slip I will be slipping with time on the weekend and next week to finish. I don’t think I will slip much with the painting, if anything the yard work will get pushed back. That way next week will be spent getting the house in perfect order before the party. I can do this. I can so do this.

Short explanation of trip.

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Because I realize that a long explanation isn’t going to happen. I had (mostly) an exceptionally good time. I loved getting to see people I haven’t seen in a long while. I had some really intense personal conversations with some of the most inspirational and fabulous women I have ever met. I enjoyed most of the drive through pretty country, eventually I did get bored though. I got to show Noah around Portland and Seattle a little which was really neat because I have always thought of them as Tom-places and now I realize that they are me-places too. That was a nice feeling. That was partially nice because it helped me step back a bit from a bit of my baggage around Noah sharing things with me he has shared with other people and that is persepctive I really need.

It was a good trip north. The only thing that was consistently a little hard was that from when Noah arrived we never had a good night’s sleep. Various things were a problem every night and that was totally suckful. Which means that by the time we got to the camping/backpacking part of the trip we were already very sore and sleep deprived. I need good, consistent, quality sleep or I am just not really a good person to be around. I know this about myself and I try very hard to ensure this need is met. I’m quite sad that it became a problem on this trip. So we hiked out about two miles (a very solid uphill the first mile then down hill the second mile) in the heat when we were already sore and uncomfortable in general. We were actually having fun talking about how each of us is the other’s favorite person to hate backpacking with ever. We camped next to a very pretty lake that night and had fun playing at camping stuff before the sun went down. But the next morning he noticed that my attitude had taken a turn for the worse mainly because my entire body hurt. We decided to just go home so we could sleep in our comfortable bed. Oh my god is this bed awesome.

And so, we came home and have been doing house work and spending lots of good quality mellow time together. Last night we went out for a ridiculously decadent evening with some of our very favorite people. It’s been a lovely little vacation.

Maybe someday I will get around to telling ya’ll about the white trash Mondavi commercial, but then again… maybe not. 🙂

I did it! I did it!

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I made Noah come with oral sex! … Wait, you say so what? No no no…. you don’t understand. Noah is one of those, “I don’t come from oral sex” people. The kind who says, “It’s happened a few times ever but those times were flukes and there isn’t much point in trying.” Well, HA! I’ve totally been paying attention and playing with technique and it worked! I did it!

I am no longer inferior!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

And now I go off to therapy where my therapist will congratulate me for overcoming this obstacle. (Dude, it’s kind of sad how much time in therapy has been spent talking about how pathetic I have felt for being inferior in this area.)

Avenue Q outing

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http://www.shnsf.com/shows/show.asp?key=18&subkey=664 is a link that will hopefully work to direct you to the website. I would really like to see this show in SF and I’m hoping to arrange a group outing. Anyone have a date that works best? I would quite cheerfully buy a block of seats if people can commit to going…

August 7-September 2
Tue – Sat eves at 8pm
Wed, Sat and Sun mats at 2pm

tired and strangely cranky

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I have the best husband ever. He dotes on me and loves me and treats me very well. That said…

I have a hard time not liking people. When I dislike someone or feel angry at them I tend to feel intense, overwhelming guilt so strong it sometimes almost chokes me. I don’t feel like it is ok for me to dislike or, worse yet, hate anyone. There are people in this world who have given me good reason to dislike/hate them and yet… when I experience those emotions I generally end up crying and feeling like I am a terrible person for feeling that way. What is interesting is that I know I have wronged people in my life–I’m no ones idea of perfect–but the people I have the strongest negative reactions to aren’t people I have seriously wronged. It seems as though the people who have given me the most reason to dislike them are people I have never done anything to or at least I don’t feel that I have done anything to them. There are always people who feel I have wronged them merely by existing. I’m never entirely sure what to do about that. Would they really feel better if I killed myself? It isn’t really an option at this point since I promised Noah I wouldn’t during a particularly bad spell a while ago.

Yet there are still these feelings. It would be easier if I could just excise these people from my life entirely, but I can’t. So here I am left with my frustration and anger and sadness that I am such a bad person that I hate other people. These negative feelings sort of seep out into other parts of my life in sucky ways. Whenever I have cause to think about the people I particularly dislike I tend to feel like I am just a terrible, awful person for hours if not days. But I can’t really make them go away. And I can’t avoid the people unless I just drop some of the people I want to have in my life.

So… yeah. Something was triggery earlier today and I haven’t been able to ditch the funk. Despite just being back from vacation with my wonderful husband where we had lots of fun and saw many friends. Despite hiding from the heat in Chevy’s with margarita’s and then watching *two* movies in one day. Sometimes I hate my brain.

Heat Alert Day

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I haven’t caught up on LJ, but this seems a good thing for the Californicators to see:

Pacific Gas & Electric Co., our utility provider, has informed us that Thursday, July 5, 2007 will be a Heat Alert Day. What this means is electricity and gas costs hourly will increase significantly between the times of 12:00pm and 6:00pm tomorrow. Please shutdown and turn off any unnecessary appliance or equipment during this time period. If you can reduce or shutdown the A/C unit, please do so.

So… what can you turn off? 🙂

We are totally going to the movies. And then maybe out to have drinks. Then maybe back for another movie.

Oh! BTW, we’re home. I’ll tell you about wussing out later. 🙂

You just keep going

Do the best you can