– Having to express boundaries in a way that is hard for me to say and hard for others to hear.
+ Expressing anxiety and concern and being heard and supported in totally unexpected ways.
– Allowing anxiety to turn my stomach into an acid pit for weeks.
+ Talking about anxieties with wonderful fabulous people who will support me no matter what.
+ Reading many fabulous books this summer.
+ Painting my house and making it feel more like my home allowing me to banish many of the ghosts that have been here for me.
+ Banishing the ghosts from the past making it more comfortable for other people to be here too.
– Playing phone tag with amazing people and not getting to really connect.
– Missing some of the people I love so much I feel like I drown in it.
+ Being social and getting to see wonderful people.
+ Having a friend buy me a corset!!! (I swear! Pictures soon!!)
+ More work done on my tattoo. Most of it wasn’t so bad. Then we moved to an area that wasn’t numb. That sucked ass through a straw.
– Finding out that my tattoo artist wants to move out of state in February so my tattoo has to be finished before I get pregnant. So uhm, I’m going again before this even has a chance to heal because we have to finish, damnit.
+ Good conversations with people about how size plays into perception of beauty. I really am fascinated by how people perceive size and beauty and how they are related and not. I love that my friends trust me enough to talk to me about this very touchy subject.
+ Plans coming up with people I rarely get to see. There are people in my life I think of as ‘watchers.’ They aren’t really close friends because I hardly ever see them and we do very little with one another in ways that seriously overlap our lives. Yet, I love them and trust them for no obvious reason. Once or twice a year we get together and catch up on all the small and big and good and bad and I feel truly seen. I really appreciate these people and the perspective they give my life. I’m seeing one of them tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to it. I also get to see some people in the next few weeks whom I think of as friends but who aren’t close, yet.
+ Running into my sophomore English teacher at Avenue Q and having him ask me to get together to work on curriculum. That is so incredibly validating! Yay! He is one of the teachers I liked the most through the years.
+ Almost done with all the books I need to read for 2A. This is pretty neat. I still am not sure how I want to put it all together though. One more week!
– Not sleeping well or much. This needs to change pronto.
+ Found some really cute wrap skirts on the Haight. They don’t care if I am chunky or thin. 🙂 Yay for versatility!
+ My back hurts less in the aftermath of tattooing than it used to. I’m a little stiff and sore, but really not bad.
+ Still have the best husband ever. Understanding, compassionate, fun, supportive, and totally sexy.
Mostly though, I know I’ve been whining and vague and depressed and upset and … blah for a bit now. Thank you to the people who have reached out. I notice. Thank you for the support and love. I see it and I’m grateful.
I’m glad to see so many pluses on your list. I’m especially glad to see the couple of pluses that mostly look like a related minus, but reworded into a plus. I was getting worried about you, through your blog entries. I’m glad to see that things might be on an upswing. I’m so sorry we didn’t get to catch up during your time in town up here. Hopefully one day soon.
🙂 Looks like you came out on the plus side.
It just occurred to me that with the painting an all you’d pretty much have to be sucking in some fumes lately (unless you got some really fancy low VOC paint). These things can effect the mental/emotional body. Could be it affected the anxiety thing. Airing it out can make a big difference though.
Here’s a really good book on such things if your interested. Tammus has it. It’s got lots of pretty pictures and good ideas and helpful information. http://www.amazon.com/New-Natural-House-Book-Ecologically/dp/0684847337
Anyhoo, I’m glad your on the plus side. 🙂
Take care you.
Home Depot, at least in CA, has already switched to low-VOC paint. We couldn’t get nearly-zero-VOC paint on short notice, though.
And the only really-truly-zero-VOC paint, at this point, is pure white — it’s the pigment that apparently causes the problem, not the paint base.
I’m not surprised you looked into it. I do know the VOCs can affect people differently. Some are more sensitive than others.
Can you order that nearly-zero-VOC-paint from home depot or was there another source you were looking at?
I wouldn’t mind knowing of specific suppliers for later reference.
Yes, you can order it through Home Depot. It just takes a bit longer.
Any other suppliers that you know of? I’m not fond of HD.
Well, the stuff we got was just regular Glidden paint. I imagine you can order the extra-low-VOC kind wherever else you can order Glidden…
Hmm, okey, thank you. 🙂
That’s interesting, considering that most pigments (including white) are generally powdered minerals. I suppose it might take some VOC to keep the pigments in suspension.
Unless you mean it’s the dyes, many of which *are* VOCs themselves.
Maybe he meant dyes. I’m pretty sure the word the guy used was “pigments”, though.
“sucked ass through a straw”…can I use this one? I like it!