My mother informed me that she would be coming up to stay with us after the baby comes. I told her that she will not. I said that if she wants to stay with Denise (my sister) or Vonnie (her sister) and visit during the day that is fine, but she is not welcome to stay in my house 24 hours a day right after I have had a kid. I told her that if she tried it I am likely to attempt to kill her and there will be a permanent rift in our relationship. Just No. She took it fairly well actually. She laughed when I said, “Do you really think it is a good idea to be in my face constantly after I have been in that much pain with a bunch of sleep deprivation? Do you think I will have any patience or kindness left in me?!”
Boundaries are my friend. Next time I talk to her I will mention that she also isn’t welcome in the first three weeks as I am trying to figure out how to deal with the Lizard. Her telling me what to do with the Lizard at the beginning is not likely to go over well. If I don’t specifically ask for advice my instinct is to do the opposite of whatever I am told to do. This isn’t a good thing when it comes to caring for my infant so I’m going to avoid the person who will give the most unsolicited advice. 🙂
This shit is going way better than it used to.
My advice for what to do with her is… oh, wait… unsolicited advice…
But really, I’m proud of you for so many things, including this.
Love,
Me
You’re awake! Does this mean I can call you? 🙂
Do you have the house number? Cell phone is out of juice.
I do not have that number yet. Dangit.
it’s on the way to your email!
I can also call you, but figured that the phone ringing this early isn’t nice to Noah.
Guess I won’t offer than
<--- lots of unsolicited advice
Nice! So many people get sucked in for this decision, I don’t understand it. Good job knowing what you need.
A reminder that if you haven’t fully discovered yet that you’re probably starting to notice: *everyone* has ideas about raising a child. And nobody is ashamed of telling letting you know them.
Be strong. Some of those ideas *will* make sense, and are legitimate. You might want to consider asking people who try to give you advice to put it in writing – find out how serious they *really* are. Claim that the pregnancy is eating your memory or something. And if you don’t like the advice there’s a certain cathartic value in ripping it up into tiny pieces as well.
Just some random thoughts – not really meant as advice… 🙂
Excellent boundaries with your mother. I’ll admit, I have been wondering how she responded to the news, and how you’ve been responding to her response.
As far as advice goes … how about we handle it this way:
There are certain things I learned while going through two pregnancies and raising the resulting offspring. I give you permission to ask whatever you wish about the things I learned along the way — even about nitty gritty things like the really good position I found for still having very enjoyable sex in the last trimester. And I will try my damndest not to offer information, unsolicited.
I can tell you the “really good position I found for still having very enjoyable sex in the last trimester” is definitely NOT girl on top. You’re liable to make your baby really bad at math…or history…. 😉
God, I have so much respect for you…way to go with expressing and honoring your boundaries!