Today I have done a bunch of reading. For the record: Northrop Frye may have one or two points that are interesting, but in the main he is a twat. The other critics I read today bothered me far less. I have also folded the laundry, made the bed (Arbus–I don’t know why you like making the bed, I hate it), cleaned up the kitchen after a weekend of use, and did a bunch of random picking up to allow the house to once again look “staged”–aka, boring. I’m all proud of me.
I have also been thinking about how I want to do more actual cleaning this week, partially in preparation for the open houses next weekend and partially because we will have a fabulous house guest. Very excited about hosting Brehen. 🙂
Which brings me to my point about house guests. I have had a number of people (it’s got to be close to 20 at this point) mention coming to visit us in Pittsburgh. This is awesome, wonderful, thrilling news for me to hear–but it also freaks me out and terrifies me. I’ll explain why. I am massively territorial about my space. I want things to be set exactly so, cleaned exactly so, and I want to feel like *I* have more history in my space than anyone else. This leads to all kinds of weird things about guests in my house in general. It’s part of the reason that I freak out about hosting events. I have slowly been coming to understand the depth and breadth of my neurosis on this topic as time goes by and more people want me to host parties/weekend stays/etc. I am not complaining about people wanting to visit me or stay with me or what have you. Really, I’m not. What I am saying is that in order for me to feel fully comfortable with that I need to be respectful of my own needs for boundaries.
Which brings me to the blunt part. I don’t want to host anyone for an entire weekend for the first six months we live in Pittsburgh. I may make an exception if there is some kind of emergency situation–but it would take something pretty damn extreme. I know that sounds like a long time, but it probably won’t feel that way to me. I want to settle in to my house slowly and feel like there is no pressure around needing to entertain anyone. I will also be settling into seeing how things work with the Lizard because if things go according to plan, the end of the six month period will mean the Lizard is only about eight months old. After that six month period I will probably be missing people like mad and I will be begging people to come stay with me. It’s just very important to me that I have it. I’ve told a number of people this individually, but I think that a couple of people felt like it was a personal rejection and it really isn’t. If I don’t want *you* to come stay with me ever I’ll bloody well tell you that. 🙂
So if you tell me “I want to come visit you” anytime soon I may cringe and say “Not until spring.”
Oh… unless you mean coming to stay at the Disaster House. Feel free to ask for that. I have all kinds of feelings about this house that mean I am not real attached to who stays here. 🙂
FWIW, I used to be very territorial about my home until I had kids of my own. I understand how you feel now, but wouldn’t be surprised if it all feels significantly different after Lizard makes an appearance. In our first kid’s first year, I was all over the place: sometimes wanting solitude, sometimes needing to be around people with kids, sometime people with no kids in order to feel adult again.
I know you hate advice so this isn’t. It’s personal history/ perspective (which I often feel is how I want to respond to you.)
“I know you hate advice so this isn’t. It’s personal history/ perspective (which I often feel is how I want to respond to you.)”
Which is exactly how I want people to respond to me actually. You share what works for you without any implication that I “should” do it. 🙂 I like people sharing. I don’t like people “shoulding” me. 🙂
I want the space to not have people *staying with me* so that I don’t feel trapped into being social when I need to go hide for a while. I’m hoping to meet people in PGH so I can have a few hours of socializing at a go.
Wow, in this area we have reciprocal kinks! I’m a control freak, so I don’t usually want to stay in anyone else’s house; I like being able to be territorial about a hotel room, even if it’s motel 6.
Fuckin’ awesome. 🙂
Love seeing you practice taking care of you …
love love love it.
I look forward to visiting Pittsburgh again *someday* 😉
And *someday* you will be more than welcome and I will pay lots of attention to you.
Not sure if you will want me to return the favor of snuggling in my bed. You may have to put up with Noah and a Lizard. 🙂
A point of clarification. If I were to say “I want to come visit you” it would not necessarily mean “I expect you to put me up at your house if I visit.” When I visit my daughter, I stay in a hotel. There has been at least one occasion when my partner and I went to visit my parents, and stayed in a hotel.
So … if I were to say “I want to come visit you,” it would be all about seeing YOU, not your house. I visit people, not houses.
So, could show up in Pittsburgh, not even go near your house, and not think a thing of it. I am very cool with boundaries.
That would actually be great. I just know that most of the people who have said it don’t mean staying in a hotel. 🙂
I’m gonna miss you so much! Campus already feels dead without you there. I don’t know how I’ll deal when you move…
D:
Psh. You’ve only seen me like three times this year.
I know, I hardly came to visit. D: But STILL! Atleast I had the /option/ of seeing you! Now, who knows the next time we’ll talk face-to-face! D”x
-_-;; And now I really regret not visiting you more often this year…
*spontaneously bursts into wild anime-style tears*
WAAAAAHHH! I’mma BAD FRIIEEEENND!!! DDDDDD”x
“I don’t know why you like making the bed, I hate it.”
you must understand that,
on the bed i sleep in
there is but a comforter
and a flannel sheet.
so…
it’s a tug to the right
and
a tug to the left
and
all done!
besides, i *despise* getting into a mussed-up bed.
knowing that i’m avoiding that feeling
late in the day
makes it easier to neaten the bed
early in day.
also, the visit thing?
it’s your fuckin’ house, y’know?
you’re fuckin’
allowed any fuckin’
rules you fuckin’
want.
hey!
maybe all visitors
should have to make *your* bed.