So much of how I see myself is wrapped up in my competence. For all that I make fun of not being good at things, no really–I am fuck-you good at a lot of things.
And I can’t do them right now. And my body is awkward. And I feel stupid and lame and like I’m a big fat failure. “I know that isn’t true.” It’s how I feel. It really hurts watching people go off and do things that I am really good at and I can’t do it. Hell, it’s annoying that getting up from furniture is getting difficult sometimes. Even as I accept help I feel like I am more and more pathetic.
Tonight isn’t my best night ever.
nod
Today I lifted a box of books like 3 inches and now my stomach is screaming in pain
thank you for coming out tonight anyway!
xoxo
Does it help to consciously remind yourself it’s a temporary condition? Anyway, hugs .
(And, FWIW, I find pregnancy very very sexy-you are so powerful and as feminine as can be. Don’t remember if I felt that way at the time those years ago.)
you’re busy doing something else
that’s very cool and important, and that is simply taking priority over maintaining the ability to do those other things right now. At least that’s one way to look at it right now that may help you feel better.
But just think of it! You’re hosting another life in your body! 😀 That’s amazing and beautiful and it sure as hell takes talent!:]
How’s MONDAY for you? Sunday is Easter!
Monday I am busy till about 1pm. I can do after that though.
OKAY! so..
Depart: San Jose, CA (SJC)
3:00 pm
Arrive: Fremont, CA (FMT)
3:33 pm
Depart: Fremont, CA (FMT)
8:15 pm
Arrive: San Jose, CA (SJC)
8:55 pm
I can leave sooner, if you want, at like 6
Good?
I’m probably ok with you staying until 8:15, if you want to leave earlier because you find I am just *that* obnoxious I will cheerfully take you to the train earlier. 🙂
Tweet.
I’ll see you at 3:33, then! And I’ll talk to my mom about leaving times and such. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind me being there ’til 8:00, so long as she knows where I am.
The address of the station is:
37260 Fremont Blvd.
Fremont, CA 94536
Just so we’re on the same page, and all. :]
I know you aren’t feeling it. And I don’t need to change that.
And yet I wanted to say that competence is sexy to me. Way sexy. And from where I sit, for the things that matter, you are no less competent now than you were a year ago. And I suspect that you will be even more competent a year from now.
I can also sympathize with the temporary loss of physical agility.
my spouse
once compared pregnancy
to driving a different car
every single day.
“you just never know where your bumpers are.”
and
besides
you doing good
at least one thing.
pregnancy.
*i* can’t do that.