All those people who tell me that salad is good for me? Liars. Liars. Liars. When I eat salad my stomach hurts. I feel really hungry still even though there is no more room in my stomach for food matter. Salad = bad. Hate salad.
See picture? That is what I should eat. That doesn’t make my tummy hurt.
Recommended reading: Jeffrey Steingarten’s “The Man Who Ate Everything,” in particular his essay “Salad: The Silent Killer.” (It probably won’t explain why your stomach hurts, but it’ll give you a ton of great excuses for not eating salad.)
If you want to not be hungry after eating salad, you have to put fat in it. Fiber makes you not-hungry for about as long as it takes to put your fork down. Fat makes you not-hungry for a good long time. Hence: blue cheese, hardboiled eggs, avocado, bacon pieces, shredded Cheddar, chicken chunks… well, you get the idea.
Cobb salad is salad for actual people who eat actual food. Other salad is side dishes.
My salad was almost 1/2 blue cheese, nuts, and cranberries.
Salad is just evil.
Oh, Evil Salad…
we, Your servants beseech Thee.
we humbly ask Thee not to rile the bowels of pregnant younglings
nor torment the shortened colons of surgified geezers.
we understand, Mighty Evil Salad,
that Thoust may perform any Malevolent Act You see fit
and we bend to Thy Horrifying Will.
until, at least our next big poopeth.
I love Jeffrey. I should read his book.
I like salad. But I don’t like iceberg lettuce – it actually makes me ill for some reason. Same thing for celery by itself.
I like caesar salads; I like spinach salads with bacon; I like salad dressing and meat/cheese in my salads.
I like romaine lettuce. Salad is about using some fiber (lettuce) to get tasty things into my mouth. Lettuce by itself is not bad in itself, just not full of things I would consider nutritious given how much effort it takes to eat the stuff. It is a source of folic acid, but I’d rather get that from spinach which is far tastier than plain old lettuce.
i love salad.
but it rips my guts up
like nothing else can.
except maybe Dry Roasted Peanuts
which i also love
and eat
even though
i know i’ve days of
“messy poops”
ahead of me
because i am weak.
i’m so fuckin’ worthless, man.
i can’t even not eat shit that makes me sick.
WHAT THE FUCK’S THE MATTER WITH ME!
my brain goes “THAT SHIT’LL MAKE YOU SICK, ASSHOLE!”
then, i fucking eat it anyways.
the whole time my brains, like “NO, YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE, NO NO NO NO!”
and i fuckin ignore it.
and then, i suffer.
that’s it, man
nothing but fuckin OREO COOKIES and milk for me.
and not that fuckin skim shit, neither.
no way.
artery-cloggin whole fuckin milk for me.
so there, man!
SO THERE!
um…
got a little melodramatic there, pal.
SHUT UP BRAIN! SHUT UP!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you so much. 🙂
please don’t encourage me.
Please encourage him. 🙂
ack!
evil shorthaired wymyn!
they’re all around!
THEY’ER ALL AROUND!!!!
MWA HA HA HA
Salad? That’s not Food. That’s what Food eats.
Be Kind to Animals. Eat Vegans.
looks like a great reason to make a chopped ham salad?
😉
Agreed, salad is evil. I also have tummy trouble with the high-protein leafy greens. Unless it’s a Thai meat salad, which replaces all things lettuce-y with slices of beef. Now that’s a salad! Cole slaw and kim chi are ok, but really, all your nutrition can be pulled from meat and fruit. And cookies.
You’re pregnant. You should eat what you’re craving (save dirt and rusty metal, of course) and certainly NOT eat things which make you ill! I can’t really tell exactly what that is in the picture, but it looks like ham and maybe broccoli? You now have my permission to NOT eat another bite of salad and eat ham until your head turns to bacon if you like. 🙂
there’s a new name to call somebody!
bacon-headed
he’s so bacon-headed he thinks salad is good for him.