I caught my first poop!
I can usually figure out about when she is going to poop. I have a lot more trouble predicting pee though. Thus: well… this carpet is a little less new now. heh.
I need to figure out a better holding position. I need to spend more time figuring out how to clean up afterwards. I need to devise a system for catching oopsies as I’m about to put the diaper back on.
I can handle this. 🙂
So! You are semi-officially invited to come meet Shanna. (It can’t really be official cause this is freakin lj.) She’s getting pretty settled in and handles people without much trouble. In my ideal world the way this will work is that folks will come over for dinner and maybe a game. Then in between turns we can pass around the gorgeous Shanna. 🙂 Sound interesting? You can comment or email me with date suggestions. I’m not emailing people an offering particular dates because I figure I have the least full calendar of anyone I know right now. 🙂
I’m on page 10. 🙂
She has Noah’s hairline. I didn’t notice, my mom pointed it out. It looks like her nose is becoming more like mine (or at least how mine was when I was a tiny baby). She likes to be as cold as Noah. I’m sitting in the air conditioned living room fully dressed under a blanket and they are both naked–and happy about it. Odd.
I’ve been really moody this week for no good reason. I’m trying to not lash out at Noah though because he’s really awesome and hasn’t done anything–uhhh anything bad. He’s done lots of good stuff. As a result of me petulantly telling him earlier this week that I felt like he wasn’t paying enough attention to me he devoted a full freakin day to reading me The Golden Compass. The whole book. That wasn’t a stated goal of the day, he just never stopped reading. 🙂 It’s a really good book.
I’ve been fussing at Noah about my various guilt complexes and he is patiently helping me with them. I’m so lucky to have him. I feel like if I am going to stay home I need to become Super Woman and do everything around the house as far as cleaning goes and cook interesting food every day and take perfect care of the kidlets and work on other projects and be a stimulating and interesting partner for him. But I can’t physically do all of those things in a 24 hour day. It’s not reasonable. But I feel crushing guilt because I should be able to!! I’m a failure if I don’t!! He says that’s silly though. So we are talking about maybe the best approach is to figure out how many hours a week I should spend on different things and still be reasonable about it. So I’m trying to figure out what is a reasonable schedule for me. See, this is challenging due to the word “reasonable.” I’m not sure I’ve ever had a reasonable schedule before. I tend to have an outrageously packed schedule and by golly I Get It Done. I’m kind of deranged really. I get it done if it makes me miserable and I’m crying and sick and underslept and treating everyone around me like shit. But I get it done.
Yeah… this isn’t optimal in terms of long-term sustainability and given that I can no longer treat my life as a series of sprints towards individual goals I need a different approach. So what is sustainable for me? In all honesty I can sustain a much higher level of productivity than average, but I get cranky. What level of activity will keep me in a good mood? That’s a harder question. I think this is going to take some trial and error. I also need to get over the idea that I should now be taking care of everything in the house for Noah. For one thing it isn’t reasonable. For another thing… he wouldn’t actually like it. He likes doing stuff for me and even though he does enjoy his down time he likes being able to help me as well. Balance.
Then there is this little complication of the munchkin. See… she wants to be on me all the time which I really love. Unfortunately sitting around with her on my lap makes it hard for me to do stuff. She does not like feeding on the move and screams her head off if I try to feed her in the wrap. She’s fine with sleeping in it, but not eating. The problem is transitioning to the wrap once she’s asleep. If I have the wrap tied on it’s not too hard but feeding her while wearing it is kind of inconvenient. I may have to just suck that up. This may be easier when feeding happens less often.
And I’ve totally lost my train of thought cause my mom called. Uhm… The End?
One of the Cutest Dress Ever. 🙂 More pictures can be found at: http://pics.livejournal.com/rightkindofme/gallery/0000c4gt?page=2
Shanna joined me in the bathtub again today. Usually when she does it is because she is screaming her head off and the boob is in the tub so she comes to the boob. This was a conscious effort to get her clean though. (Lingering spit-up sourness is … not awesome.) After doing the general wipe up I held her head and swooshed her around in the water. She was very alert and interested and didn’t squawk a bit. She seemed to think that was very neat. Yay! I’m so hoping I get a water baby because I love the water. 🙂
Now I need to get off my butt and get ready for the dentist. ew.
We just got a care package from Dad. He picked out a bunch of massively cute clothes for Shanna all in six months. Yay! At the rate she is gaining weight she will be wearing them by three months. I think we just tripled the amount of pink in the house. He sent a onesie that says, “Grandpa’s Little Princess” it makes me kind of weepy. My bio-father may be out of the picture but I’ve done well adopting dads. Such a good life.
From the filter label savvy readers will assume this is about my sex life. They would be right. Which is to say: holy crap I have a sex life again.
So, who was wondering how long it would take us to resume having sex? I was. We sorta tried a week ago and it was a resoundingly unsuccessful attempt. It hurt so bad it made me cry and Shanna woke up screaming just a couple of minutes into it. So I don’t count that.
Which means that it took us four weeks. Things are not completely back to normal in that department, but given that I’ve been thinking about it and Noah has been exceptionally patient I figured it was time to get back on that particular horse. I would say we took it slow, but we didn’t. Heh. We don’t have time for slow, leisurely love making at this point. Shanna’s sleep schedule is still very unpredictable. I did manage to get her to sleep lying on her own. I did it by breaking one of those rules they hand down from on high about parenting: Thou Shalt Not Lie Thy Baby On Her Stomach To Sleep. But but… she won’t go to sleep on her back! So fuck ’em. She’s sleeping great on her tummy right now and they (whoever ‘they’ are) can kiss my ass.
I’m rambling. Sex! It happened! It required periodic renegotiations mid-way, things like “Pull out, I need more lube” “Oh my god stop putting so my pressure on my perineum” and “I can’t bend that way right now”. I call that a roaring success. I came; he came. That was the goal and so despite it not being the most earth shattering of sex it’s a beginning. w00t.
http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEspring08/PATTemmas.html
I need to learn how to knit better. 🙂 (By which I mean: spend more time doing it. I don’t need for anyone to offer lessons at this point, I just need to freakin knit.)
But they are so cute!
I was thinking about my paternal grandmother this morning and how I think I am looking more and more like her as I age. So I went and hunted up the only two pictures of her I have. I feel I confirmed my feeling that I look remarkably like her. These pictures were in an album with pictures of me from babyhood. Dude. I was much smaller than Shanna. Shanna at one month looks about how I looked at three months. This amuses me. In looking at these pictures I thought, “ohmygosh I had the cutest little dresses!!” Then I pondered…. “Hmmmm I know I have a box of “baby memories” that my mom put together…” I have the cutest little dresses! They are the size Shanna is wearing right now!!! I asked Noah for his opinion on whether or not I should wash the dresses and have Shanna wear them and he demonstrated that he understands the boy/girl interaction of: if you don’t have an opinion, MAKE ONE UP (preferably one that supports the desires of the girl you are talking to). Noah rocks.
I am now going to go wash the cutest little dresses ever and Shanna is going to wear them frequently in the next few weeks. Cause I bet she is only going to be able to wear them for a couple weeks. Kid’s growing really really fast. If she is still wearing 0-3 month clothes at three months I will be surprised. All of the smaller 0-3 month onesies are already getting pretty snug… in all directions. Ahhh that’s my little porker. 😀
CUTEST DRESSES EVER!!
pictures to come…
This time I’m not posting the picture because it contains FULL FRONTAL MALE NUDITY. Ok, that’s your warning. If you follow the link you get what you deserve. 😉
http://pics.livejournal.com/rightkindofme/pic/00024z32/g7
And things come full circle…
Holy shit are my stretch marks dark. Good thing I can’t see them most of the time. 🙂 la la la they don’t exist….
“How well are you capitalizing on this year’s unique opportunities, Virgo? Now that we’re halfway through 2008, let’s take an inventory. I’m hoping that six months from now, you’ll look back and make the following declaration: “I’ve learned more about love in the past 12 months than maybe I ever have. I’ve also become far more skilled in the art of making myself happy. And I’ve finally figured out how to purge some of the martyr-like aspects from my generosity, which means I’m better able to give without strings attached and I’m more attractive to interesting people who are inclined to give me things I really want.'”
You mean unique opportunities like having my first child? (Can’t ever do that again.) Having Noah home for six weeks to help me adjust to having the munchkin? (We’ll never get this time back. We need to enjoy it now.) Figuring out how to parent? (Ok, so other people have done it… but it’s still different from the rest of *my* life.) I’ve certainly learned more about love. I feel overwhelmed by the depth of my feelings for Shanna. I am dealing with a lot of exhaustion and fuss and noise that would normally drive me bonkers. Instead I just feel kind of giddy. Yay the baby. And Noah… he continues to surprise and amaze me. I win.
Interesting people who can give me things I really want? You mean like 7 1/2 hours of consecutive sleep? Oooooh baby I hope she can give me that soon. 😉 In the meantime I will not feel upset about the lack of sleep and I will enjoy all the extra hours of the day when I get to gaze at her gorgeous face. 🙂
Oh yeah… bring on the schmoop.
Last night I decided it was time to try out the pump I was given. (Yay Lauren!) That was a weird fucking feeling. I really want to start introducing myself as Bessie. I didn’t get all that much milk out… a detour and twenty minutes of reading up on the web… ok apparently I got a fair bit of milk out. Go me? She had an amusing reaction to the bottle. “NOT MOMMY! NOT MOMMY! Hey…food…cool.” I don’t think we are going to have much of a problem feeding this kid. Of course, mommy boob is still the best pacifier ever.
Her favorite sleeping position is on the Boppy. Let’s think about this for a minute, shall we? In order for her to stay balanced I have to be wearing the Boppy. This means I am effectively trapped during her naps. oy. She will sometimes sleep in the Moby but only if you are moving pretty much the whole time and not bending over.
I need to post new pictures. She already looks different…
get $75 gift card for Shell gasoline. Only hitch… you have to do it tomorrow at Sears. http://www.206inc.com/dockersgiftcard2008
Oh my god. I’m channeling Rebecca.
So today we had a weird interaction in the morning. I wasn’t sure what caused it. But I felt like it was hostile. So after I did my withdraw/pissy thing I thought about it and couldn’t figure out what caused it. So I asked.
My wonderful husband then proceeded to explain what he interpreted about my actions and tone of voice and I did the same about his. We were both reacting to unintended slights and misunderstood tones. We apologized for our respective halves of the misunderstanding and fuss. Then we cuddled and renewed our membership in our mutual admiration society.
Have I mentioned that I love my husband?
I seem to be reverting to my teenage years, by which I mean: “I’m booooooooored….ooh! I’ll eat!” Dangerous.
Tonight I am going to look at my oldest friend in the world as she parades around in very little clothing. Given my normal friends-group this shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s weird. (She wants costuming feedback before a photo shoot and her husband is one of “those guys” who won’t respond. I’m so nice.)
Shanna has taken to moaning a little as she eats. It sounds like that low mournful puppy moaning when they are locked up for the night. I feel like I must be doing something terrible and I can’t figure out what.
I would love to have a book club sort of thing about the Harry Potter books. Since I succumbed to reading them there are all sorts of nuances in the story that I would love to hear other opinions on. Noah is a nice start, but he doesn’t seem as motivated as me. 🙂
Our neighbors two doors down came over to introduce themselves. This is really awesome because they have a little boy who is 5 1/2 weeks older than Shanna! Yay! I doubt Shanna will be as lucky as I was with the kid across the street (uhm, the girl coming over to show off her underwear tonight) but you never know. 🙂
Been spending a lot of time thinking about how my friends are by and large having shitty stuff happen to them lately. I feel almost guilty that my life is so easy right now. It’s a weird feeling.
I’m not doing a very good job of reaching out to those women I obsess over. I think I fear rejection. But I miss them.
I’m spending way more time thinking about the trip to Portland than is necessary. Hey! Uhm, we’re coming up to Portland at the end of August for a wedding. I’m trying to decide how long we should stay and a lot of that depends on how many people want to see us. We will probably head up to Seattle for at least a day because Jefe will shoot me if I don’t come see his restaurant. He’s pushy like that. I’m not feeling very secure in the “people want to see me” department so if you want me to spend time with you on the trip feel free to nudge in my direction. I will probably be quite happy to figure out time.
Noah has this friend. I’ve never met this friend. I have mixed feelings about this friend due to a variety of things that hit buttons for me. I’m thinking maybe it is good that I not meet this friend due to a variety of triggery sorts of things. But I feel terrible and like I shouldn’t be so judgmental.
I’m judgmental. I judge peoples’ actions and beliefs. I feel like this makes me a terrible person. I can’t seem to stop.
If you are now totally paranoid that I am judging you, feel free to ask and I’ll tell you. I might be.
Hm. Maybe I’m not just bored. Maybe I’m actually hungry.
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don’t speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want — good or bad. When you’re finished,post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.
Answers screened by default. If you don’t mind them being posted, let me know and I’ll unscreen them.
What, you thought these posts would end with delivery? Psh.
She’s awesome. Of course. 🙂 She has gained ten ounces in the past seven days which means that apparently my milk supply is quite sufficient. 🙂 She is at 8 lbs 6 oz. She has already changed appearance fairly dramatically in my opinion. She’s plumping out all over the place. Her hands/fingers no longer remind me of Gollum. She is getting a double chin. Sleep is still going fairly well. She’s getting in at least one 3-4 hour sleep cycle a night and she gets a second every other night so I’m feeling alright. Because I do actually listen to people every so often I stopped trying to orient her towards my preference for day/night…. for now. We will come back to that after it is no longer biologically necessary for her to eat so often. 🙂
She does fuss a bit, but it is pretty clear that it is mostly because she’s a pre-verbal infant. Overall she seems to be pretty cheerful. She is starting to interact more and it’s really interesting. If you talk to her about stuff she reacts, sometimes by grinning sometimes with funny faces. I really wonder how much she understands. We have continued good luck with asking her to respond to specific things in specific ways.
At 16 days I must say that I’m still convinced this was absolutely the right thing for me to do. We’ll see how long that lasts. 🙂
And on for my body healing tmi…
Noah is a shit. No really. A complete and total brat. Some days I think I should tickle him despite his screeching protests. I can ignore getting my nose licked in retaliation.
Butt head.
I don’t appreciate his hyperbole mocking my overreactions.
Today we went to a graduation party for some of my kidlets. It was interesting for a variety of reasons. See, they are a couple and they have been dating for more than three years now but I can’t remember for sure exactly how long. So their family’s tend to combine forces and host stuff together as if they are already a long-term couple. They are given as much respect and support in their relationship choice as most adult couples I know and noticeably more than others. Their respective family’s were both extremely polite and friendly to Noah and I. They were curious who we were first, then enthusiastic because obviously I must be pretty amazing if the kids wanted me there. 😀
Watching them all interact was fascinating. They were nice to each other. There were obviously a few places where personalities are not a perfect match but people took a deep breath, looked at the sky, then shook their heads. That was the beginning and end of all the conflict. I don’t believe that they never have conflict at all… but my family has trouble passing up golden opportunities to fight. It was neat to be around. I liked that people made an effort to get along because that’s what you do with family. I liked that by and large everyone seemed to like everyone else.
And I liked finding out that the girl in question has decided to pursue a career in teaching due to my influence. I liked hearing both of the moms tell me how much I mattered to their kids. When I was getting ready to leave ST I commented to my fellow teachers that I was surprised by how many kids said they would keep in touch. I was told not to count on that because kids promise that all the time. Well, I certainly heard that promise from far more kids than have kept in touch; however, I feel like the ones I really want to keep in touch with are doing it.
So for the people who have told me that I am wasting my education by staying home–no I’m not. I did wonderful things with my education. Now I’m doing a different wonderful thing with my education.
