I seem to be reverting to my teenage years, by which I mean: “I’m booooooooored….ooh! I’ll eat!” Dangerous.
Tonight I am going to look at my oldest friend in the world as she parades around in very little clothing. Given my normal friends-group this shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s weird. (She wants costuming feedback before a photo shoot and her husband is one of “those guys” who won’t respond. I’m so nice.)
Shanna has taken to moaning a little as she eats. It sounds like that low mournful puppy moaning when they are locked up for the night. I feel like I must be doing something terrible and I can’t figure out what.
I would love to have a book club sort of thing about the Harry Potter books. Since I succumbed to reading them there are all sorts of nuances in the story that I would love to hear other opinions on. Noah is a nice start, but he doesn’t seem as motivated as me. 🙂
Our neighbors two doors down came over to introduce themselves. This is really awesome because they have a little boy who is 5 1/2 weeks older than Shanna! Yay! I doubt Shanna will be as lucky as I was with the kid across the street (uhm, the girl coming over to show off her underwear tonight) but you never know. 🙂
Been spending a lot of time thinking about how my friends are by and large having shitty stuff happen to them lately. I feel almost guilty that my life is so easy right now. It’s a weird feeling.
I’m not doing a very good job of reaching out to those women I obsess over. I think I fear rejection. But I miss them.
I’m spending way more time thinking about the trip to Portland than is necessary. Hey! Uhm, we’re coming up to Portland at the end of August for a wedding. I’m trying to decide how long we should stay and a lot of that depends on how many people want to see us. We will probably head up to Seattle for at least a day because Jefe will shoot me if I don’t come see his restaurant. He’s pushy like that. I’m not feeling very secure in the “people want to see me” department so if you want me to spend time with you on the trip feel free to nudge in my direction. I will probably be quite happy to figure out time.
Noah has this friend. I’ve never met this friend. I have mixed feelings about this friend due to a variety of things that hit buttons for me. I’m thinking maybe it is good that I not meet this friend due to a variety of triggery sorts of things. But I feel terrible and like I shouldn’t be so judgmental.
I’m judgmental. I judge peoples’ actions and beliefs. I feel like this makes me a terrible person. I can’t seem to stop.
If you are now totally paranoid that I am judging you, feel free to ask and I’ll tell you. I might be.
Hm. Maybe I’m not just bored. Maybe I’m actually hungry.
Shanna has taken to moaning a little as she eats. It sounds like that low mournful puppy moaning when they are locked up for the night.
It’s actually what happens when you try to say “nom nom nom” with your mouth full.
YEah. Happy sounds. If you listen with the right ear, they’re probably a bit more on the orgasmic side than the tortured. 🙂
I think she’s just making happy sounds. Like when someone goes MMmmm. You are really unlikely to be doing anything wrong. But I am reminded that nursing gave me all kinds of worries (He’s gonna be constipated, he’s got diarrhea –twenty minutes apart!)
ok ill bite
even though the punctuation on my computer is messed up right now
sorry
are you judging me?
At this point I have no idea what I think of you. You live life in a way that is hard for me to grasp and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable in a way that is good for me. I’m actually really looking forward to meeting you because I think that you will make me question some of my assumptions about people and “class.” I grew up in poverty and the way that you live is weird to me because you have some things that I associate with privilege yet you are very not focused on having lots of money.
So yeah… I don’t know what to make of you.
i live life in a way that’s hard for me to grasp a lot of the time…sometimes i feel like i exist at a bizarre angle to the rest of the world. anyway, i guess that could be a lot worse if that’s actually what you were judging me about. i was a little worried that it was either
a) because i said that it was always ok for people to proposition other people, which the more i thought about it was an asinine thing to say — in retrospect i think it’s always ok, except when it’s not
or
b) because i recommended a book to you and that was too much of a suggestion for you — i like to respect people’s boundaries, but i wasn’t sure if there was room between a media recommendation and telling you what you should do
i have a really complex relationship with privilege. i have some, definitely, especially white privilege and heterosexual relationship privilege, but my class is much more complicated. i grew up lower middle/middle middle class. my dad worked as a government bureaucrat, then grad student, then episcopal priest, and my mom was mostly a housewife. we had financial circumstances like subsidized school lunches, lots of hand me downs and not a lot of stuff we didn’t need, but we did always have plenty to eat and my parents did put me through college with financial aid. however, i’m from west virginia and spent my formative years in an impoverished area. a lot of my friends didn’t have telephones, furniture, or sometimes houses and food. i realize i don’t understand this in the way that someone who actually lived with it does, but it is somewhat “normal” to me and it’s bizarre to me when a lot of the people i associate with don’t seem to be aware that circumstances like that even exist. then, on the other hand, my first husband who i married because i was crazy in love with him, was really rich, which was weird for me and i rarely spent his money until he left me in a terrible way and then subsequently offered to give me a good bit of money to feel better about himself, which i took, because what the hell. now i’m married to a guy from an upper middle class/lower upper class background, we’re out of that extra money, and we live in a studio apartment (that we own, admittedly) on three hundred dollars a week that i mostly earn writing articles on the internet with no job security. we eat well and sometimes we travel the world on a dime, but we don’t drive , live in a really shitty neighborhood, and personally i was a little jealous of you (in a friendly way) for getting to try for a home birth, because we couldn’t afford that (though not at all saying that i don’t have certain class privilege compared to you, because obviously i do). if you can make any sense of that whole mess, that’s better than i can do.
i’m interested in you because i’ve noticed we have several things in common: we’re smart, new(ish) stay at home(ish) moms, have complicated class backgrounds, challenging sexual histories, interest in kink and sexuality/sexual politics, monogamous(ish) inclinations in complicated relationships, history of struggling with depression, interest in reading and (i assume) writing, willing to be upfront and discuss things, homeschooling our kids, liking natural stuff… i’m not the sort of person who will act if i meet you like you’re my new best friend, but i do see the potential for us to become good friends, unless we don’t.
i think i’m very respectful of boundaries. i will leave you alone if you want. i am actually really curious, though, about exactly what you are judging me for (actions and beliefs?). i often get the impression that people don’t know what to make of me, and it’s usually close to impossible to find out. i’m also curious if there are things that make me seem more privileged than most to you, because from my position (sort of naturally, i guess) that’s hard to see.
whoah, that’s long. i hope it’s a little bit enlightening.
I am so happy that life is going well for you…you have worked hard to get here!
Yay nekked friends. 🙂
Regarding the moaning… You might try humming to her, or repositioning her, Louie had a touch of colic and did that, moving him sometimes helped get the burps up.
and judging people is kinda something everyone does… we often try not to, but most folks do it.
I love you. Just sayin’ it ’cause I can.
YES – I want to see you, and even squeeze you if you’re in the mood. I want to see all of you, and be as available and accommodating as possible.
YEAHHHHH! Portland. Exciting.
oh honey, I completely trust that you judge me
I’d love to see you. And the fam. In Portland.
Still working our way through the final HP book….should make it through on our trip to Ashland this weekend, I think. At which point I should like to actually READ them all and discuss. Likely to purchase a set for Anyanka’s future reading.
Oh, and, if you’re not judging me, you’re not paying attention. 🙂
Well, join the rest of humanity. And frankly, I can’t think of anything more meaningful to judge other people on than their actions and beliefs, particularly their actions. It beats judging them on things like skin color, hair length, religion, or silly things like that. (Some people might say that ‘religion’ and ‘belief’ are the same thing. I disagree. Consider a ‘pro-choice’ Catholic as a random example. They exist, and clearly their religion is one thing and their belief is another.)
Judging other people–quickly in some instances, slowly in other circumstances, is a basic, reflexive survival skill. People who fail to do it adequately or at all are frequently referred to as ‘victims’, often in the past tense.
It’s good to be open to questioning and challenging your own judgments of other people, but feeling guilty about doing it at all? You shouldn’t. I certainly don’t.
I’m looking forward to seeing you at the wedding. If there’s time and energy for additional visiting, we’ll sort it out closer to the date 🙂
Jefe in Seattle
Jefe opened a restaurant in Seattle? I’m thrilled for him. I’ve been out there for business. If/when I head back I’ll ask you for details. For this trip, if you remember, please tell him and the extended family I said hello and send fond wishes.
i judge thee
as human.