I should so be asleep right now. I’m not. Here’s some of what I’m looking at right now.
The comp exam is in 11 days. I’m not fully prepared. On Thursday I head up to Davis to do some studying with a fellow English geek, and I’m not even really ready for that. Shanna had a really hard day today for no obvious reason and I got zero studying done. If I look at the calendar, what I really ought to do is bail on the two social things I was hoping to do this weekend and study pretty much straight through. I’m getting really scared. If I fail this test it is going to be a rather hardcore blow to my ego that I don’t need. On one hand I objectively think that I am pretty damn prepared, on the other hand I subjectively believe that my last failure on this exam (when I was completely unprepared) is an indication that I am stupid and deserve to fail. I know this isn’t reasonable. I know that they honestly won’t expect that amazing of essays given that we have three hours to write three essays.
I’m dropping weight like crazy with eating to my daily maximum of points and I think that as a result I am thinking less clearly. I am having more trouble than usual finding the words I want to use in casual conversation and that is scaring the shit out of me. Right now, judging by the scale in my bathroom, I am dropping 1/2 a pound per day. That’s uhm, noticeable. Noah pointed out that dropping weight quickly (No really–I am eating all that I am supposed to be eating and I’m eating a rather healthy variety) will cause blood sugar issues which make it harder to think. Maybe for the next 11 days I should start eating more food of higher fat/calorie level. [See–this entry so far I’ve had to stop and think for several minutes more than once to think about what words I should be using; that’s just not cool.]
I’m giving up my idea of making a costume for Shanna. 🙁 I’m sad and pissy and frustrated. I just ran out of time with studying and I feel upset and strangely cheated. Yes, I was given a costume I could put her in but frankly it’s not something I would have selected and as I result I just don’t want to. I’m feeling ridiculous and petulant on this topic for no good reason.
There are a variety of things on the sex/play front that are taking up a lot of space in my brain. I don’t have anything useful to say about any of them. It’s all….. AHHHHHHHHHH
And I have a god damn oral report for my Spanish class coming up. I need to do research tomorrow before class so that I can talk to my partner about it. Have I mentioned that I could give a flying fuck about it just now? Oh, I got a B on the last Spanish test. Not that bad.
Not sleeping isn’t going to help me think. But all I want to do is cry.
Oh, and my mom is arriving right after the comp exam for a visit. I think she is staying with us but that hasn’t been actually decided and as my family typically sucks ass at communicating I may not know until she calls me saying, “What’s your address again?” *sigh* So I feel rather shitty about the fact that my house is a huge mess. The clutter isn’t so bad, but it’s rather grossly dirty and frankly that’s low on my priority list to change. Noah will say, “We could pay someone to do it.” Yes, but then I would feel humiliated and pathetic that I can’t do something so simple as to clean my house when that’s a large portion of my job. And I would have to call and schedule it and blah and it’s more energy.
I think I’m going to cry now.
*hugs*
Can’t fix it, but am thinking good things for you.
*hugs*
Can’t fix it, but am thinking good things for you.
*hugs*
I have a Chinese herbal drink that’s called “Mental Clarity elixir”. I used it to help with studying for my boards. If you’d like, I’d be happy to pass it onto you.
*hugs*
I have a Chinese herbal drink that’s called “Mental Clarity elixir”. I used it to help with studying for my boards. If you’d like, I’d be happy to pass it onto you.
Sweetie, if you’re dropping 1/2 pound a day, you’re not eating all that you’re “supposed” to be eating…meaning, the amount you’ve been told to eat isn’t enough. You’re nursing exclusively, and you expend energy in a lot of other directions. The fact that you called WW your “secret,” alone concerns me. Please take care of yourself.
Sweetie, if you’re dropping 1/2 pound a day, you’re not eating all that you’re “supposed” to be eating…meaning, the amount you’ve been told to eat isn’t enough. You’re nursing exclusively, and you expend energy in a lot of other directions. The fact that you called WW your “secret,” alone concerns me. Please take care of yourself.
yeah. even WW will tell you that 2 lbs a week is more weight to drop than is healthy, and that even though slightly larger weight loss is to be expected in the early weeks of the program, it’s not sustainable. You probably are starving yourself for blood sugar, at least a little.
yeah. even WW will tell you that 2 lbs a week is more weight to drop than is healthy, and that even though slightly larger weight loss is to be expected in the early weeks of the program, it’s not sustainable. You probably are starving yourself for blood sugar, at least a little.
When I’m feeling this way, the best thing to do is to feed me then put me to bed for a nap. Generally I wake up with a fresh perspective. Sometimes both of these things are difficult when you’ve got a new baby, but you know what? That’s where your lovely husband can pitch in. I also happen to agree with him on the temporary house cleaning. You’re studying, your looking after a charming little girl, and you don’t have a lot of spare time. Right now, you’re time is valuable and as a family you can afford short term house cleaning.
When I’m feeling this way, the best thing to do is to feed me then put me to bed for a nap. Generally I wake up with a fresh perspective. Sometimes both of these things are difficult when you’ve got a new baby, but you know what? That’s where your lovely husband can pitch in. I also happen to agree with him on the temporary house cleaning. You’re studying, your looking after a charming little girl, and you don’t have a lot of spare time. Right now, you’re time is valuable and as a family you can afford short term house cleaning.