So far I have been trying pretty hard to ensure that the clothing Shanna has is at least mostly gender neutral. Some of it is pink stuff that I will happily put on a boy, so it is at least somewhat gendered by society’s standards. I feel a lot of conflict around buying her thoroughly girly stuff though. I don’t want to imprint on her that as a girl it is her job to be ruffly and fluffy and cutesy anymore than I will put a boy in some of the uberbutch shit that I have seen. I wonder how this will play out in the long run in terms of warping her.
(This comes up because I see very cute girly stuff and I consciously choose to not buy it because I don’t want to “send that message”. It’s weird.)
your kid; your choice
I’m the other way. I want my little girl to have and wear cutesy-ruffly little-girl clothes – sometimes. And I *definitely* want her to have playclothes that will stand up to climbing, stumbles & dirt. Girls and grown women have a lot of choices and a broad range of OK in clothing (in US society), and I want my daughter to be free to try those things on.
As she starts choosing which clothes to wear, I’ll (mostly) let her decide if she wants to wear ruffles or overalls. Right now, she has a ful palette of choices, and I’m glad.
(If I had a baby-son, I wouldn’t dress him in pink. Again, that’s me.)
your kid; your choice
I’m the other way. I want my little girl to have and wear cutesy-ruffly little-girl clothes – sometimes. And I *definitely* want her to have playclothes that will stand up to climbing, stumbles & dirt. Girls and grown women have a lot of choices and a broad range of OK in clothing (in US society), and I want my daughter to be free to try those things on.
As she starts choosing which clothes to wear, I’ll (mostly) let her decide if she wants to wear ruffles or overalls. Right now, she has a ful palette of choices, and I’m glad.
(If I had a baby-son, I wouldn’t dress him in pink. Again, that’s me.)
Okay…every time I see a pic of your kid I practically die from the cuteness factor!
Okay…every time I see a pic of your kid I practically die from the cuteness factor!
T. wears H.’s party dresses all the time.
T. wears H.’s party dresses all the time.
Why not include both extremes as well as the center?
Honestly because I will have a hard time feeling ok with doing that with a boy. I will put a pink onesie on a boy and not worry about it, but having a boy wear a frilly dress? Well… once the boy is old enough to decide that’s not an issue at all for me. A six year old saying he wants it is fine. I would feel inappropriate doing that with a six month old boy though.
Honestly because I will have a hard time feeling ok with doing that with a boy. I will put a pink onesie on a boy and not worry about it, but having a boy wear a frilly dress? Well… once the boy is old enough to decide that’s not an issue at all for me. A six year old saying he wants it is fine. I would feel inappropriate doing that with a six month old boy though.
Why not include both extremes as well as the center?
my daughter got the frilly-pink-uber-girlie stuff.
ended up in ballet and all that.
she loves to cut (dead) animals up in biology
and
can outrun my son
and
climb trees better than nearly any boy i know.
i used to call her “monkey-girl.”
still do, in fact.
my daughter got the frilly-pink-uber-girlie stuff.
ended up in ballet and all that.
she loves to cut (dead) animals up in biology
and
can outrun my son
and
climb trees better than nearly any boy i know.
i used to call her “monkey-girl.”
still do, in fact.
Just for Shanna, I will try to remember to wear my rhumba panties underneath the overalls next time I get out the power drill. 🙂
Just for Shanna, I will try to remember to wear my rhumba panties underneath the overalls next time I get out the power drill. 🙂
My one friend who drenched her daughter in pink frilly ended up with a girl who refused to go anywhere near the stuff. on the flip side, Arie and his first wife refused to put abbey in any pink and as a result when she was 4 and had a say on her cloths she refused to wear anything that was NOT pink, and we spent hours convincing her that really purple was a variation on pink.
never underestimate the power of rebellion
If my worst rebellion is a daughter who wants to wear frilly pink dresses, I’ll grin.
(That’s all I wore growing up.)
If my worst rebellion is a daughter who wants to wear frilly pink dresses, I’ll grin.
(That’s all I wore growing up.)
My one friend who drenched her daughter in pink frilly ended up with a girl who refused to go anywhere near the stuff. on the flip side, Arie and his first wife refused to put abbey in any pink and as a result when she was 4 and had a say on her cloths she refused to wear anything that was NOT pink, and we spent hours convincing her that really purple was a variation on pink.
never underestimate the power of rebellion
i have thought about this a lot. before river was born i briefly contemplated getting him dresses to wear occasionally, but i just couldn’t do it. when kids ask why he’s wearing girl clothes (i.e. pink), i usually just say “those aren’t girl clothes, they’re regular clothes,” but that would be a lot harder to get away with if he were wearing dresses instead, and of course i’m not going out of my way to subject him to ridicule.
if i have a girl, though, i’m pretty sure i will get her dresses as well as other clothes. for one thing, i like dresses sometimes, and i feel it could possibly send an odd message not to provide the same for her. i see your point about it not being equal, but i think my solution is that if my (hypothetical) daughter ever gets dresses and river is jealous or curious at all, well, he can have dresses then.
i wonder if i would feel differently if i actually had a daughter, though, like i did when i actually had a son. in any case, i think the situation is kind of different because it’s much more socially unacceptable for males to wear dresses than for women to wear pretty much anything i can think of.
She does have a couple of dresses. But she tends towards having 2-3 dresses in a given size (so far). But I rarely put them on her. She wears a dress about once a month. Everytime I want to put a dress on her I feel guilty even though that’s stupid.
She does have a couple of dresses. But she tends towards having 2-3 dresses in a given size (so far). But I rarely put them on her. She wears a dress about once a month. Everytime I want to put a dress on her I feel guilty even though that’s stupid.
i have thought about this a lot. before river was born i briefly contemplated getting him dresses to wear occasionally, but i just couldn’t do it. when kids ask why he’s wearing girl clothes (i.e. pink), i usually just say “those aren’t girl clothes, they’re regular clothes,” but that would be a lot harder to get away with if he were wearing dresses instead, and of course i’m not going out of my way to subject him to ridicule.
if i have a girl, though, i’m pretty sure i will get her dresses as well as other clothes. for one thing, i like dresses sometimes, and i feel it could possibly send an odd message not to provide the same for her. i see your point about it not being equal, but i think my solution is that if my (hypothetical) daughter ever gets dresses and river is jealous or curious at all, well, he can have dresses then.
i wonder if i would feel differently if i actually had a daughter, though, like i did when i actually had a son. in any case, i think the situation is kind of different because it’s much more socially unacceptable for males to wear dresses than for women to wear pretty much anything i can think of.
Maybe you can find some baby-sized kilts. I wonder if UtiliKilts makes ’em small enough.
Maybe you can find some baby-sized kilts. I wonder if UtiliKilts makes ’em small enough.
Interestingly, the pink-for-girls buue-for-boys thing only goes back to the 1940s or so. See http://hueconsulting.blogspot.com/2007/03/why-is-blue-for-boys-and-pink-for-girls.html. Before that pink was considered a masculine color.
I’m aware. In a very small way that plays into why I don’t see a problem with a baby boy wearing pink. 🙂
I’m aware. In a very small way that plays into why I don’t see a problem with a baby boy wearing pink. 🙂
Interestingly, the pink-for-girls buue-for-boys thing only goes back to the 1940s or so. See http://hueconsulting.blogspot.com/2007/03/why-is-blue-for-boys-and-pink-for-girls.html. Before that pink was considered a masculine color.