My neighbor (the one with a son six weeks older than Shanna) came over for a bit this morning. She’s having postpartum depression issues and she wanted to ask me for advice. It turns out that my impression of her thoughts about me were pretty far from the mark. She started telling me about all the ways she has taken my advice so far. She started telling me about how she “just isn’t as creative as [me]” which almost made me laugh. Me? Creative? She asked me what she should do to handle a few issues that are coming up with her son. She asked me how I deal with not having much of a mom in my life. It was interesting.
It was one of those things where I stopped and thought, “Hunh, maybe I should stop assuming people dislike me.”
Hey, Ms. K: here’s some unsolicited advice (from someone who could be your mom) stop assuming people dislike you!
Even when there is reasonably good evidence that they do? That could turn me into an entirely new kind of obnoxious.
Sounds like a fun kind of obnoxious!
silly. 🙂
Not only do people like you, but we like to listen to you as well.
You also have an incredible clarity in thought, speech and writing. You are able to cut through presumptions and get to a deeper understanding of your motivations and the motivations of those around you, plus you have the clarity to explain those feelings in words which can be understood by a broader group, not just by those who experienced these thoughts and emotions.
I haven’t seen you in ages, but I have always thought you to be an awesome person, and I continue read your journal because I learn things and am interested in how you are doing.
I think it’s funny that you say I have incredibly clarity seeing as most of the time I feel like I am moving through life in a fog these days. 🙂
I’m glad that I still interest you! I think of you every time I am down in Campbell. 🙂
It always both cracks me up and makes me kind of sad when people are all “I assume people don’t like me.” It’s like, DANG THAT IS NOT TRUE I LIKE YOU YOU BIG DORK
I know a couple people like this. It’s like, haHA GUESS I BROKE THE CURVE HERE! TAKE THAT
I don’t assume that *everyone* dislikes me, just specific people–usually when they give off I-don’t-want-to-know-you vibes.
😛
you are awesome. I still look up to you in a lot of ways
Yay!
“Hunh, maybe I should stop assuming people dislike me.”
Maybe, hunh.
I still maintain that when people have negative body language that I shouldn’t continue to be all gung-ho with “Of course they like me! Everyone likes me!”
Well, yeah … it would be natural for negative body language and “I don’t want to know you” vibes to put a damper on that kind of gung-ho. But there’s something to be said for not creating self-fulfilling prophecies, too.
Besides, one of the things I’ve come to realize is that there are plenty of times when what I’ve read as negative body language or negative vibes was actually a hee-yuge shield hiding someone’s insecurities. Could be they’re hiding behind the shield – or negative body language/vibes – because they are afraid of rejection.
I won’t claim I’m always ready to risk getting attacked by said shielded persons to test my theory, but sometimes, if I can stop and think about the possibility that “Wow, they are afraid *I* might reject *them*”, I am at least less likely to start off assuming they don’t like me.
One of the hardest lessons to learn in middle school was that it really wasn’t all about me. Those whispers, those sideways glances, those giggles. . . really, not about me. I was blind as a bat and got teased because of my glasses so never wore them. I just assumed that since people didn’t talk *to* me, they were talking *about* me.
Later, I found out how wrong I was. Honestly, most of them just didn’t care and the one’s who did were actually envious. The one girl who *did* pick on me mostly did so because I was so idealistic and naive – while her father was pimping her out to his business partners. I envied her overblown voluptuousness, her easy sensuality, her perfect hair. She envied me my intellect, innocence and height. All in all, I think I got the better end of the deal – especially once I learned that it really wasn’t about me, for good OR ill.
I think this sort of thing is going on with this chick. I get the impression that she feels intimidated. She’s trying really hard to “have it all” meaning work, kid, marriage, lots of travel, but she’s just not making it all balance and she just hit a major depressive episode. She looks at me and thinks, “You have it all together and you do x, y, and z better than me so that means you are better” even when I laugh because I really don’t have it all together. I get the impression she backed off because she thought I was looking down at her for not being as good at things. Not so much. It’s all odd an such.