Monthly Archives: April 2009

Cranky pants

I’ve got my cranky pants on, oh yes I do.
I’ve got my cranky pants on, how ’bout you?
We can do a dance in our cranky pants,
And then we’ll go to the zoo.

This bit of dorkiness brought to you by the letters I H A T E N O A H S J O B. It’s a busy day for letters.

It’s awfully hard not to be cranky at Noah when I’m cranky at his job. I know that he’s not happy either so I then feel extra guilty for being a butthead. ARGH! URF! HATES THEM PRECIOUS!!!

Good enough

One of my wonderful friends told me that I inspire her because I have accomplished so much and I started out with so little. If I stop and think about that even semi-objectively she is right. But there is always that voice in the back of my head saying, “But you didn’t do ‘x’ and you failed at ‘y'” and those things seem to cancel out my accomplishments. But why? How do I lose credit for the things I have done? I got a high school diploma. I was the first one in my family to do so. I managed to avoid pregnancy/abortion when most folks in my life circumstances didn’t. I am not an addict and I seriously doubt I ever will be–given my familial background that is huge. I have a bachelors degree and a teaching credential. I have been to five foreign countries. I have been to 30 states including an amazing backpacking trip in Alaska (have I said thank you lately, DA?). I am a fairly technically skilled top. I am a very good teacher. I have a good eye for putting together colors in interior decorating (if I do say so myself. :P). I’m a good mom. I’m a good wife.

I am sane. I own my shit. I am good about boundaries. I give and receive respect. I am an honorable person.

If I fail the masters exam what have I lost? I lose out on the chance to have a piece of paper to hang on my wall. I lose out on the ability to feel snotty and superior because of my formally recognized education. In reality I won’t be more educated if I get the piece of paper. I will still be in the top pay bracket if I go back to teaching because no one can take away the units I have earned.

I’ve been having a serious identity crises lately because I feel like who I am has somehow become less since I became a mother. It’s rather bullshit though. I’m not actively doing a lot outside of being a mother right now, but that’s ok. That is the season of life I am in. I wanted it and doing this does not devalue me.

I am good enough.

Experimental cooking

I’m going to boil some spaghetti noodles and chard. Then I’m going to stir fry them with garlic, oil, apple cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, maybe a splash of soy sauce.

Hm. I wonder if this will work out.

ETA: I added harisa which is a blend of hot red peppers, olive oil, spices, and garlic.

This is hella spicy but really good.

book talk

Many thoughts and feelings all jumbled up. I wonder how much of it is connected to the really complex and unsettled book I am reading. Midnight’s Children is utterly fascinating. I often have trouble getting into magical realism books at first and then I feel changed by the experience of reading them. I see more complexity in life and relationships. It’s really interesting.

To do

This is getting overwhelming to think about so I’m going to type it up.

Clean out garage. Most stuff has to go into the storage shed. (We are having our roof replaced.)
Study for comp exam.
Continue weeding in the yards.
Water plants.
Borrow/steal/buy a rototiller for the yards.
Buy a bench for the front yard.
Figure out how I am going to hang the baby swing.
Return baby swing. (different one from above item)
Touch up paint around house.
Take empty paint cans and batteries and light bulbs to recycling center.
Vacuum.
Harass people to hurry up and fill in the google doc with what meat they want.
Take comp exam on Saturday.
Try not to angst about SFSI interview.

Pump milk.
Cook food.
Figure out how to use up food in the garage.
Invite people over to drink bad wine with us. (I’m weird about just throwing it away. Anyone want to come drink bad wine with us? The more the merrier. 🙂
Get some exercise.
Buy new door for coat closet.
Wash windows.
Try not to obsess about amount of money being spent on new roof and solar panels.
Don’t eat out. (See above cooking reference.)
Wash car-inside and out.
Juice oranges from tree.
Fill hot tub.

Some of that has to be done this week. Some of that doesn’t have a definite finish date on it. I’m feeling very very busy right now.

I hear it is poetry month

In the course of studying for the comp exam (6 days and counting) I came across this lovely poem by William Wordsworth:

WE ARE SEVEN

——–A SIMPLE Child,
That lightly draws its breath,
And feels its life in every limb,
What should it know of death?

I met a little cottage Girl:
She was eight years old, she said;
Her hair was thick with many a curl
That clustered round her head.

She had a rustic, woodland air,
And she was wildly clad: 10
Her eyes were fair, and very fair;
–Her beauty made me glad.

“Sisters and brothers, little Maid,
How many may you be?”
“How many? Seven in all,” she said
And wondering looked at me.

“And where are they? I pray you tell.”
She answered, “Seven are we;
And two of us at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea. 20

“Two of us in the church-yard lie,
My sister and my brother;
And, in the church-yard cottage, I
Dwell near them with my mother.”

“You say that two at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea,
Yet ye are seven!–I pray you tell,
Sweet Maid, how this may be.”

Then did the little Maid reply,
“Seven boys and girls are we; 30
Two of us in the church-yard lie,
Beneath the church-yard tree.”

“You run about, my little Maid,
Your limbs they are alive;
If two are in the church-yard laid,
Then ye are only five.”

“Their graves are green, they may be seen,”
The little Maid replied,
“Twelve steps or more from my mother’s door,
And they are side by side. 40

“My stockings there I often knit,
My kerchief there I hem;
And there upon the ground I sit,
And sing a song to them.

“And often after sunset, Sir,
When it is light and fair,
I take my little porringer,
And eat my supper there.

“The first that died was sister Jane;
In bed she moaning lay, 50
Till God released her of her pain;
And then she went away.

“So in the church-yard she was laid;
And, when the grass was dry,
Together round her grave we played,
My brother John and I.

“And when the ground was white with snow,
And I could run and slide,
My brother John was forced to go,
And he lies by her side.” 60

“How many are you, then,” said I,
“If they two are in heaven?”
Quick was the little Maid’s reply,
“O Master! we are seven.”

“But they are dead; those two are dead!
Their spirits are in heaven!”
‘Twas throwing words away; for still
The little Maid would have her will,
And said, “Nay, we are seven!”
1798.

You’re kidding, right?

So I went to www.findyourspot.com and answered questions. Here are the top 24 places that site thinks I should live:

Little Rock, Arkansas
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Salem, Oregon
Eugene, Oregon
Charleston, West Virginia
Shreveport-Bossier City, Louisiana
Corvallis, Oregon
Alexandria, Louisiana
Portland, Oregon
Santa Cruz, California
Monroe, Louisiana
Santa Barbara, California
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Ventura, California
Frederick, Maryland
Medford, Oregon
Baltimore, Maryland
Hartford, Connecticut
Valencia, California (Ironically–this is right around where I was born.)
Providence, Rhode Island
Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Palo Alto, California
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Champaign-Urbana, Illinois

They didn’t have a question for, “Please sweet Jesus keep me away from the bible belt.”

Meat

I’m looking into ordering some grass fed beef. It looks like ordering half a cow costs $6.15/lb while a whole cow costs $6.00/lb. Half a cow represents ~170 lbs of meat and a whole cow is ~340 lbs of meat (makes sense now doesn’t it). There would be additional delivery fees as well. I’m putting this up here because I am open to sharing this order with a bunch of people (all co-op style) if there is interest. I would cheerfully deal with picking up the meat (I would need to rent/borrow a truck for a whole cow) and arranging for it to be divvied up. The meat would be a mixture of steaks, roasts, ground beef and stew. Usually a breakdown for a split (half) of a cow looks like this:
15 lbs pounds steaks (one – two pound packages)
17 lbs roasts (2.5 – 4 lbs)
35 lbs pounds ground beef (1 lb. packages)
11 lbs chuck and round steaks (1.5 – 2 lb. packages)
7 lbs stew meat (1 lb packages)

I don’t have the storage for a whole cow by myself but I could potentially help with storing some meat for other people on a limited basis. This would need to be negotiated case by case because I will run out of room. The company I am looking at is: www.morrisgrassfed.com

Pickup would be in early June, this gives us all time to eat out of our freezers and make some room. 🙂

So! Who is interested? We could have a meat pick-up party. 🙂 I would like to put in an order by the end of April.

Dancing

I haven’t mentioned it, but Noah signed us up for tango lessons. 🙂 We’ve been to one so far and it’s fun.

And in other news we might just go to PEERS this weekend. Noah is more than a little into Girl Genius so the theme is too perfect. Now we have the problem of finding stuff to wear. I have Victorian garb, but I may or may not be able to get my expanded body into it. And I’ll certainly need to get my corset back from Yani before I can even try. If anyone is going or not going and they have Victorian garb for a body that is more like a size 14 could I maybe borrow it if you aren’t using it? And I have no idea what Noah is going to wear. Hmmmmm…..

Amusingly, in order to study costume stuff I had to admit that I bought him Girl Genius comics for his birthday. 🙂

{milestones} First sign

I missed a little bit of poop, I could hear it, and I took her in to the diaper changing table. It was only a tiny bit so I asked her if she needed to go more or if she was all done using signs. She signed more! So I took her in to the bathroom, put her on her potty, and she peed and pooped lots!

It wasn’t a picture perfect, text-book ASL sign but it was really close. I would accept that as her sign for more. When she finished peeing/pooping she started clapping. I think that clapping is her ‘all done’. 😀