In general I don’t make posts that Noah can’t see. This is one of those times though. I feel like I’m going to puke. I’m so angsty and upset and freaked out. Noah has a date on Friday. When we originally started negotiating this it was stated as a “play date” and I come from the bdsm community where that frequently doesn’t include sex–that is my base assumption. But they are negotiating whether or not to use barriers on oral sex and he plans to fuck her.
I am so freaking out. My stomach is a ball of knots and I want to vomit. I hate this feeling. It doesn’t help that Shanna is having a hard day and I’m having a terrible time being patient with her. I was very open to the idea of playing but it snowballed so fast. We were supposed to have sex last night (yes we schedule these things) but I just couldn’t do it. The idea that he is anticipating and planning sex with someone else made me feel really revolted by the idea of him touching me. I don’t know how I am going to manage to have sex with him on Saturday at a play party when we’ve scheduled that.
This is so hard for me. I feel so completely inadequate and pathetic.
I’m doing at least some processing with him but it feels like a full dose of it wouldn’t be fair. This is the result of a lot of negotiation because it really sucks that he has to compromise on his needs so much.
But god I don’t have patience for Shanna right now and she’s been crying all day. AHHHHHHHHHH
It is extremely hard. (((hugs)) (Been sort of in the same place and it *is* a rocky road.)
This is going to sound weird, but I was so freakin grateful when Andrew told me he had to keep his pants on. I don’t want to have sex with anyone but Noah and it’s kind of hard to tell people sometimes.
BDSM play doesn’t bother me. Sex feels so much more intimate now.
hugs
sounds like you agreed that he could go X far then he kept adding X+1 until it was too far… That doesn’t sound like good faith negotiation to me. Since you are having the extreme reaction you are, you feel wronged not like a consensus was reached.
I don’t have any advice for a plan of action. Just wanted to say I know how hard the spousal relationship can be.
Not exactly. I knew that the eventual goal would be sex dates, I just didn’t know it would happen so fast. My previous experience in the scene was that sex was somewhat rare. Apparently he picked the right girl for whom it’s not.
“not yet” is a valid negotiation position as well, as it opens up a conversation on what general progression speed you would be comfortable with.
sounds like you agreed that he could go X far then he kept adding X+1 until it was too far…
I hope I’m not overstepping any boundaries, but that is kind of Noah’s MO. Sorry.
You aren’t overstepping boundaries you are expressing your opinion/experience.
Yeah, he can suck.
Got no experience in the scene and am of the wrong orientations myself to do anything other than offer my heartfelt hugs and emotional support. It really, really sucks, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this now.