It went really well. We ended up in a fun little group of four girls and two boys. Probably the hardest part is that most of the group wanted to bottom. 🙂 One of the girls didn’t get much play because of that very problem and that was sucky. I’ve crystalized some of my thoughts on group sex. I’m going to expound about them after the cut. So here’s a cut.

I think there has to be someone in charge or a bunch of people who are all happy to be rather aggressive. Multiple bottoms turns into lesbian sheep. Someone needs to be paying at least some amount of attention to everyone getting turns or things get lopsided fast. I have yet to participate in a group sex situation where everyone was good at saying, “Me next!” I have had it work out really well for someone to boss and say, “So and so next!”

I’m really good at running the fuck. Sometimes I don’t want to though. This sometimes is becoming more and more the rule and not the exception. If I’m in the mood to be pushy/aggressive I can use my excellent people management skills combined with empathy to tell what people want more of and where. I am really good at ensuring that people enjoy sex. When I run the fuck I’m terrible at ensuring that *I* get the kind of play I want. I spend so much time looking at other people and their preferences that I tend to end up ignored and I feel sad. Why doesn’t anyone pay attention to me? So since I had an extremely disastrous (for me) foursome a few years ago I’ve been unwilling to run the fuck and things have been… more complicated. Unfortunately, in the vast majority of group sex situations I get near I have tons more experience than anyone else so people look to me to lead. It makes things awkward.

I have been wanting to be on the bottom a lot more strongly recently than was the case before. I’ve always preferred being on the bottom but I used to be a bit more enthusiastic about being toppy if it was what worked well for the other person(s). These days I get so little play I’m just not willing to give someone else what I want and go without. I’d rather not play than feel sad and rejected. This has made group sex stuff even more complicated.

Have you noticed that the word complicated has been used a lot?

Oh, and then there are my strongly ambivalent feelings about monogamy right now. My libido is all over the place and depending on where I am in my cycle I’m horribly jealous or somewhat mellow or I feel completely undesirable. If I feel undesirable I just can’t handle Noah actively expressing desire for someone else. It’s not fair and it’s not reasonable but it’s there and I can admit it. This of course makes play with other people Fraught With Difficulty (one could even call it…. complicated).

AGH! URF! WHINE!! (wine helps a lot though. *cough*)

So yeah. Complicated.