Monthly Archives: October 2009

Saying this for me.

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One small problem with finding the kids on Facebook is that it is making me miss teaching even more. It’s been a constant ache since I left almost two years ago. I’m no longer dreaming about teaching several times a week. I think that might get even less frequent once the last of ‘my’ kids graduate at the end of this school year; we’ll see. So I have to remind myself why I am staying home.

I’m staying home because there is a lot of research showing that kids do better with a stay at home parent. Especially given how demanding teaching is of both my time and energy I don’t think I would be as good of a parent if I worked. I was drained every day after teaching. When I got home I was exhausted. I don’t think I would be able to be patient and play with her after work. I don’t think that I am a good enough person to pump for years and I think that breastmilk is a big enough deal that I want Shanna to have it for as long as she feels she needs it. I also think I would be just as crappy at working during the next pregnancy as I was during the last one.

Boundary stuff

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I’ve kind of realized something recently. I’m having a lot of trouble with anxiety and frustration. I’m having a really hard time with mood swings. I think that a lot of the problem is that I am allowing myself to get into positions repeatedly where I feel like I ‘have’ to put up with stuff I don’t like. Where in the hell are my lauded boundaries?! I’m going to stop being in the position where I have expectations of flaky people. It’s bothering me a lot.

Noah has found a way to change some of the stresses within our lives and that’s really awesome. Go him.

I’ve thought quite a bit lately about trying psych meds again because of how bad things have been for me. But I don’t want to be on meds. I know what I need to do if I am going to stay off of meds. It’s going to involve stepping on a few toes and stating some boundaries in ways that might piss people off or hurt feelings but my sanity is worth that. I can’t be a good mom as long as I am blowing in the wind of other peoples indecision and moods.

I need to stop bitching about the people who suck and just cut them out of my life. It isn’t worth going up and down with them. I suffer from it. They aren’t worth it.

I could probably figure this out

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The rumor is that I’m a smart girl and all… but hey! Lazyweb! I’m sure there is some easy way for me to start following a bunch of blogs on blogspot but I have no idea what that way is. I get kind of annoyed with having to go to each separate url from my bookmarks–if that doesn’t reveal modern laziness I don’t know what does. So, does anyone have a super easy shortcut to tell me about?

Oh, and in other news: you all don’t post nearly enough. 😛

I needed this.

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{f-locked so it doesn’t port}

SO I found a couple of students on facebook whom I remembered particularly fondly. Then the flood came. And more are coming! And they are going on and on about how wonderful I am and how much I impacted their lives. They think I’m funny. They think I’m brilliant. They think I am insightful. I can feel my ego inflating as I read. I’ve been feeling so bad about myself lately that I practically want to crawl to them and grovel in gratitude.

Despite the fact that most of my ‘friends’ don’t really give me the time of day–my students love me. I’ll take it.