Monthly Archives: November 2009

Bathroom habits

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Apparently Shanna is choosing this week to start potty training herself. I had completely given up on EC because she was so hostile to pottying for a long time. But this week she has decided to start asking for the potty almost 50% of the time. I think with a little encouragement from me she will be out of diapers in another week because I think she just needs a little bit of reminding. Like she woke up this morning and announced, “Mama potty poop.” And she did. 🙂

Now how’s that as a follow up to my dirty dreams?

+/-

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+ Hanging out with the blacksheep all day plus brief appearances with her Frogling and husband
+ Pastrami sandwich the size of my head
+ Seeing Mr. and Mrs. HotPockets 🙂
+ Totally awesome shopping at the Hanna Andersson store
+ Totally enjoyed the toy store
+ Shanna has behaved super well despite very minimal napping and being in and out of the car
+ Fantastic Mongolian BBQ at some grocery store
+ Can’t beat heated seats
+ Good bonding time with Dad
+ Awesome hand-me-downs

– Still haven’t heard from C 🙁
– Miss Noah
– Still sad
– Bleeding sucks

Overall it’s been a great day.

out of sorts

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I suppose it isn’t a surprise that I feel funky and out of sorts. I have a nasty headache. I’m tired and drained and stressed. But I’m at Dad’s house. If the house were a little more babyproofed it would be way way more restful. I can’t really ignore her here and that’s hard.

There’s a part of me that wasn’t 100% certain that I had a miscarriage before because I never had a positive pregnancy test. The past few days of seeing what is coming out of my body has dispelled all doubt. This is my second miscarriage in less than six months. I talked to my midwife. This might be coincidence. This might be a problem that is easy to fix with minor medical intervention. She didn’t really want to say but there was the strong hint that this might be a sign that something is Wrong. I know that it’s a small chance. But I still freaked out when I kind of had to acknowledge that. I had cryosurgery and was told then that I might have trouble getting pregnant because she was taking off a lot of the surface of my cervix. Then I had a hard labor. There is a non-zero chance that something was damaged. I’m scared.

And I’m a petty, horrible bitch. I found out today about two more pregnancies in my relatively close social circle. I’m jealous. I’m angry that my body isn’t working right. I’m upset that they aren’t having this hard of a time. And then I think about my friend who hasn’t been able to get pregnant at all and I feel like the worst sort of horrible person. How dare I be upset about having problems now when I have such a wonderful, beautiful child.

But it hurts. It hurts so much. I hate that I feel betrayed by my body. My body has more or less always done what I wanted it to. My body doesn’t have a lightening fast metabolism, but I’ve proven that I can have the kind of body I want (I just don’t care enough to maintain it). I don’t have allergies. I’m mostly healthy. The Meniere’s hasn’t actually made my life harder at this point. I have disliked having the stomach acid problems, but enh.. that’s just whining.

This is awful. This is hard. I feel broken and bad and horrible and defective.

hard

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The drive yesterday was nightmareish. The GPS took me the most assbackwards way possible. It took almost 12 fucking hours to get to Eureka. *sigh* It was not a pleasant trip at all. Shanna and I are both out of sorts. Now we are hanging out with DA and boy is his house not childproofed. 🙂 I’m debating if I am going to try and drive to Eugene today. I may stop at a hotel part way if I am just done with Shanna being in the car. And my back hurts. It’s like I’m expelling something from my uterus or something. 🙁

rbus gave me words

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Y’all know the drill. If you want words, comment here and I’ll give you some.

thong- My first exposure to thong underwear was when I was in high school. One of my long-time friends wore them and she claimed they were more comfortable. I thought then and I think now that she is just nuts. I hate them. I will wear them on special occasions if someone I am partnered with loves them. Thank God Noah doesn’t care. But honestly? I mostly think of flip-flops. I grew up calling them thongs. 🙂

lollygag- I am a really slow walker. I don’t see much of a point in hurrying most of the time. I think that most people are in way way too much of a hurry. You don’t get to look around at life if you move really quickly. I love looking at people and houses, the only way to do that is to go slow.

hullabalo- Crusty old white men. I’ve never seen a different demographic use this phrase. It makes me smile. 🙂

pasta- I could be a carb-a-tarian. Carbs are so often. And they should always come with cheese. I’m starting to learn how to make my own pasta and that is a lot of fun. I bought special flour recently so that it will hopefully turn out better next time.

kneecaps- Strangely, the back of my knees are the most awesomely sensitive part of my body. As a result I am quite partial to knees in general. 🙂