I posted this more than six years ago. Let’s do it again, shall we?
Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love — anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you’d like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don’t even realize read your LJ) have to say.
Hurt Feelings
A few days ago, I was friended on Facebook by a lady who looked vaguely familiar. Her name rang a bell, with a distant echo of “high school”, but nothing came to mind.
I sent her a message asking if she could refresh my memory as to who she was. Then, on a whim, poked about until I found my Senior yearbook.
She was the head cheerleader, runner up for Homecoming queen, and generally distant when we were in school. Not an all out bitch, but we certainly didn’t have much overlap.
I rather suspect she’s going to be offended that I honestly didn’t remember her, and haven’t thought about her since our Senior Class trip (which was the last time we spoke).
I am constantly afraid that I am going to die unmarried and without having children. I then judge myself for being afraid of this, because I feel like it shouldn’t matter to me, but it does. I hate that I am so happy for, and yet envious of, my friends who are married and/or pregnant and/or have children. I wish I could be unqualifiedly happy, and I’m not and I feel like that makes me a bad person.
I’m not afraid of drinking anymore. I’m not afraid of much at ALL anymore. It’s a radically different headspace, I used to swim in fear every single day. I keep being surprised and awed at how good my life is now, and how I can keep conscious all the time instead of letting my consciousness go to sleep.
Life is pretty fucking amazing when the fear finally lets go of you.