So a while back Noah and I uhhh took advantage of Shanna being the life of the party and we snuck off to the bathroom for a few minutes. No one could hear us, we didn’t leave a mess, and no one needed the bathroom in the time we monopolized it. The house owner saw us leave the bathroom together and was rather upset. Fair enough. Noah and I have talked about it a fair bit and given our personal value systems we don’t really have any issue with the idea of someone doing the same thing at our house and we are curious how widespread in our overall social group our opinion is. Thus, a poll:
Oh! I forgot the obligatory ‘other’. Feel free to leave a comment with a different response. 🙂
I’m particularly charmed because you’re married and live together. But a small child is an effective chaperone — if you can distract her safely with lots of other people, go for it!
Yeah, this was during the stage when we *really* weren’t having sex because Shanna just wouldn’t give us alone time. She would wake up crying if I got out of bed at night. Even going to the bathroom provoked problems.
Mostly it depends on the comfort level of the other guests. *I* don’t mind, and would want all the details and would grin like crazy (particularly if it were a semi-secret) but it would probably freak out most of my family and some of my friends (particularly if they have their children at the party).
I guess my sincere answer is “don’t get caught by anyone but me!”
So apparently the party host saw us leave the bathroom because she was in a bedroom reading a book to her very young son. But she hadn’t heard anything and the kid really wouldn’t put two and two together.
From what I know of you from this blog, I’d assume you were doing what you were doing, but otherwise, that wouldn’t be my first assumption. Especially if the bathroom was clean. 😀
The party host didn’t actually know me. She was hosting a ‘welcome back’ party for a friend who had just moved back to the state. But fair enough. 😀
Now that would bother me – having people I don’t even know having sex in my bathroom during a non-sex/’other’ party. I’d cut more slack if I knew the people and their situation.
This is where I don’t entirely understand the objection. If there was no evidence, sound, time constraint issues I don’t understand why it is bothersome. I’m not saying you are wrong for feeling that way–I just don’t grok it. From where I am sitting if it is zero imposition on me, why would I care?
For me, it’s a Personal Space with a Social Contract issue. My bathroom in my home is my personal space. I don’t much like sharing it. But I accept that I need to if I’m going to have people over to my house for more than five minutes at a time. I also expect a certain amount of Social Contract that the bathroom will be used for certain activities and not for others. For instance, relieving one’s person yes; snorting coke, no. My bathroom is not a place for people who are not me to have sex, especially if the party is not somehow themed around sex. Some slack would be cut for people I have closer ties to, and have certain other kinds of understandings with. Strangers having sex in my home’s bathroom during a non-sex party violates my sense of personal space and my idea of the social contract involving that particular personal space and the (slightly) larger social context of the party.
I’m not saying I expect that other people have the same definition of personal space or same ideas of social contracts concerning personal spaces. I am saying I would be bothered.
For me the snorting coke issue would be more about: you don’t get to bring things into my home that might bring the police with you. That’s a very different barrier to me.
I have different personal space issues. For me if I’m that worried about what people will do I don’t invite them over.
Fair enough. You have different boundaries and that’s ok. 🙂
I would also be less okay with strangers than with friends. Regardless of the sex issue, if I had a friend invited people to my house (with my permission) and they snuck off to do non-party things, I would be a lot less okay with it than if friends did. I would also be mortified if I asked a friend if I could invite other friends over and those other friends engaged in anti-social behavior — in this case, I’m defining anti-social as “not contributing to the event” and sneaking off to have sex qualifies. So would going into the other room to sleep, or spending most of the evening sitting outside smoking a cigar. As the host I would feel taken advantage of and as the inviting friend I would be angry that I vouched for my friends and they didn’t behave appropriately, where appropriate is defined by the host.
Well, if you would feel mortified if people don’t behave exactly as you think they should I advise not throwing parties. You don’t really get that kind of control. *shrug*
“Why didn’t I think of that?” was also an option I thought of 😉
Yay!
as somebody who once helped pull a sink from the wall at the boss’ house (using the boss’ daughter very nice ass) i suppose it’d almost *hafta* be ok.
if they don’t leave a mess.
and as long as it’s not my underaged and unmarried children (as a Dad, please allow me to be hypocritical on this one point).
You are cute. We are all old and married and stuff. 😀
I don’t think I’d want to know about it, but I understand the desire to take advantage of such a situation. Don’t make a mess. I wouldn’t want a speck of stuff anywhere to arouse a sqwuick factor. Otherwise, take thy pleasure.
I’ll keep that in mind! 😀
It’s really situational for me. At a party is very different than when you’re over for dinner. A happy couple sneaking off for a quicky is very different than two drunk strangers falling over each other and thinking they’re secretive. Friends of mine who really need to get laid is different than that couple (come on, we all know a that couple!) who do this at every single frickin’ party. Hot people having hot sex is different than smelly trolls thumping away in my tub (sorry, but it’s true).
Biased? Yeah. Impolite? Yeah. Inconsistent? Oh, totally. Is it ok? Generally speaking, yeah. I’m pro-sex, and pro-people having sex. Clean it up, be discreet, and don’t involve people who don’t want to be involved.
So it sounds like you are fine with me doing it cause I’m all cute and stuff. 😀 That’s mostly what I care about. 😛
Oh, totally! You’re hot, and I trust you to clean up after yourself:)
It depends is probably the best answer, but I chose “it’s rude and not okay” based on our particular house and the kinds of parties we tend to have.
We only have one bathroom, and we don’t tend to have small enough parties for it to be okay for it to be occupied for more than a couple of minutes at a time.
Also, we don’t tend to have only sex positive people over to our parties. I often have guests who would be disturbed by seeing or knowing that it had happened. Also, no matter how quiet someone is, it is difficult to know whether or not it was apparent.
If we tended to small, carefully-selected ummm-parties, the answer would be different, except perhaps on the issue of the one and only bathroom, in which case we might be motivated to offer one of the other two rooms with a towel or two for clean-up.
“…it to be occupied for more than a couple of minutes…”
plenty of time!
For some people, under some circumstances it is. The poll didn’t specify on time taken. But the time and noise factors are less significant variables to my thinking than the type of party.
Uhhh… to be fair… given how rarely we were having sex right then I think it took far less time than it would take to poop and not really longer than it takes many girls to use the bathroom at all. 😀
Yep. The poll didn’t say we were talking about this one time with you and Noah specifically, so I took it as a general question, about parties at our house. There are times it would be okay (although I’d still prefer a different room was used). It wouldn’t be safe to assume it in general.
ETA: Okay, now that I’m at home and not typing away on my iPhone as I walk to the parking lot:
I just want to clarify that I trust your awareness of how much noise you’d made and how long you took. I’ve had parties where it was awesome for people to have sex, and they were still rude in monopolizing the bathroom…because they weren’t, um, aware of just how long they were taking, and there were people waiting to use it with urgent needs of a different kind. And we don’t tend to have those kinds of parties, mostly because we have parties so seldom that if I only limited attendance to my aggressively sex-positive friends, I’d miss seeing a bunch of other people I really like for another six to nine months. =)
Oh, and I have no idea how would feel about it. The only reason we’d have cared at a DHP (the only parties we’ve hosted together where sex (not-in-the-main room) was actively encouraged) is that the parties were huge, the bathroom was tiny and unique, and the lines for it were frequently longer than the line to the hot tub. So, um, I don’t speak for him.
*nod* I didn’t think you were necessarily talking about us and yet I’m all lame ass and defensive! I’m special. 😀
The main reason I think that the party host couldn’t hear us is because they had the radio playing so loud that things were rattling on shelves. I would have had to scream bloody murder and we were consciously very quiet. 😀
I don’t think bk2w would be all that keen on it and I have no particular intentions of using your bathroom for this activity. 😀 Given that you would prefer people ask for a different room and I think it would turn bk2w a special shade of puce to be asked I think I’ll just skip your house. 😉
Ha! To quote a friend:
Her: “I’ve always said I could be axe-murdered in my bedroom and no one could ever tell.”
Her roommate: “Oh, no, we totally could. The screaming would stop much more quickly.”
I axed him, and he said he’s about at the same point I am with comfort zones. He’s not really as much of a prude as I think you think he is. We’ve just gotten a lot more boring together than either of us was apart, for some reason.
My impression of him in this area is colored by Noah’s super strong belief that regardless of how B feels about random people having sex, B wants to know as little as possible about Noah having sex.
I think that B had some particularly strong feelings about Noah by the time he stopped living with him that were informed by several incidents over a couple of years. He’s pro-sex, he’s pro-Noah-having-sex, but he’s not much of a voyeur, and after a couple of years of being his roommate he knew more than he ever wanted to about Noah’s sex life.
I don’t think it was Noah specifically; I’m pretty sure he’d have been at that point with anyone in that house who was as sexually active as Noah was. Thin walls/doors, repeatedly being woken up in the middle of the night even on weeknights, etc. It just kind of wore on him. He doesn’t have some weird hang-up about Noah having sex, though.
BWAHAHAHAHA! I’m going to have to steal that comment…that amuses the heck out of me!
Hee! Yes, it’s totally quotable!
I’m one of the folks who would be grinning, with the caveat that it would be, as most things, contextual.
I wouldn’t run off and do it at a toddler birthday party or anything… I do understand some context. 😉
Yes, I know — which is why I was grinning. 😀
I would probably take the piss out of you for it (because I’m like that, and, well, it’s an easy target. I know, I’m not that good a person), but would be entirely OK with the concept, so long as you had a good time. 🙂
Excellent! 😀
You so wish.
I know full-well that people have had sex at parties here. But then again, after 15+ years of Parties At My Place, it would be tough to assume otherwise. (*Grin*)
The trick is trusting them to be discrete and not messy. The usual suspects (known couples) are ones I plan for ahead of time, and they’re generally (self-) sequestered in the guest bedrooms and after hours, so to speak. It’s seldom, but it does happen.
I’ll keep in mind that you are not hostile to the notion. 😉
nooooo comment. *cough*
If I were closer geographically, and if Shanna and I knew each other well enough for this to be useful, I’d offer to come to your house and keep her company while you two went off to another room for a bit. “Mama, Daddy noises?” she might ask. “Mama and Daddy are having playtime right now. They’ll be back soon,” I’d say.
🙂 Shanna would need to go out of the house. She won’t leave us alone… 😀
Hmm. For me it depends. In some company it would possibly upset me (e.g. adolescents and/or coworkers over at the house). I would also probably be annoyed if there was only one bathroom and it was occupied for too long (too long can range from a good long while to whenever I decide I need to use it if I’m in a bad mood). In the situation you described it would probably upset me if I/whomever wasn’t specifically asked to watch a kid for a few minutes, but then small children do confuse me. If there weren’t any other guests I might feel a bit neglected as a host. From your description of things I would probably giggle if I saw the two of you coming out.
Jonno says he has no problem with it provided no one makes a mess or makes anyone uncomfortable. He said he would probably be grinning about it.
One time back in San Jose my brother and I had maybe 4 or 5 folks over at our parent’s house (parents were out of town). Two of the kids were homeless punk kids and asked very sweetly if they could take a shower and take a while. They were loud! We had trouble having conversation over it but it was awesome and everyone got a kick out of it.
Fair enough. 🙂
I chose “not going to worry about it” because that was my first mental response to your story…basically “why the fuck should the host care?” (as long as you weren’t gross, intrusive, or monopolizing the only bathroom, I say go for it). Further, just because I come out of the bathroom with my husband doesn’t mean I just banged him either…there are other reasons I might take a trusted person into a room with me…like “hey, what’s this THING” or “could you help me with a wardrobe malfunction” or any number of other non-sexual reasons. But mostly, as long as you haven’t strewn body fluids around, I don’t bloody care. And I might just grin about it!
Yay! You are so my kind of girl. 😉
“‘hey, what’s this THING'”
…that’s probably exactly how it all got started in the first place…
So true….
Sex!
If it was at my house I would not care what you did but I would not want you leaving your child unless you had delegated someone to be responsible for her while you were making whoopie.
Re: Sex!
There were two people following her around actively. She wasn’t just abandoned. 🙂
My initial response was “yay! sex!”
but then I thought about it some, and I don’t think I would be ok with people I had just met having sex in my house, mostly because I wouldn’t be ok having sex in a stranger’s house.
So, it’s totally me projecting my values, and I suspect that might be the case with your host.
Well, most of the country is pretty sex-negative. Even though you aren’t hanging out at sex parties you are pretty damn tolerant or you wouldn’t hang out with the folks you do. 🙂
I feel very confused by this issue. I don’t understand why people ‘aren’t ok’ with something that is zero imposition on them. I kind of feel like it would be similar to objecting to people pooping in your house because quite frankly–that would be more of an imposition than our quickie. 🙂
I don’t really want to know about guests pooping in my house either.
I’ve been trying to unpack my reaction …
Maybe it’s more about getting a sudden unexpected glimpse into someone’s “private” activities.
i don’t particularly want to know the moment just after ANY biological urge has been satisfied.
I just farted.
*ducks and runs*
Honestly, i think this is full of win. I wish I could do something like this….
Why can’t you?! 🙂
Err. Umm. Err. yeah, no reason. I guess i’m just so boring when it comes to sex. Never occurs to me. I love the idea of branching out sorta speak. (And i’m sure Jon would be more than happy to obliged). Just never had the courage (is this the right word??) to explore my fantasies. Lame, eh?
I’ll have to invite you to a party at my house. Hell, we don’t care if you go off in the guest room. 😛
I have to admit, I’d be more worried about how clean the bathroom was *before* you guys used it!
(makes mental note to stock extra fluffy towels and scrub floors before next party)