On being fat

Since not long after marrying Noah I have met my own qualifications for being fat. It makes sense with how he feeds me. 🙂 I don’t have a problem with this. I don’t think I am gross or ugly or even particularly unhealthy. I don’t use the word in a self-hating way 95% of the time (though I admit I have very rare moods where I’ll add that word to every other hateful thing I say about myself). The main thing I mind about being fat is that I can’t wear most of my awesome dress up clothes. Not really a huge complaint in the scheme of things. I’m in fact slowly acquiring awesome clothes in larger sizes and not worrying about it.

I have a problem with the knee jerk reaction of “Oh, you’re not fat” when I make reference to being fat. Uhm. I can’t buy clothes in ‘regular’ stores. According to the BMI I’m obese (I think that’s bullshit though). According to the last sane/rational doctor I talked to I have been ~40 lbs above my optimal weight for years. Uhm, that’s fat, folks.

That said, it’s hard to tell if I currently have postpartum hyperthyroidism popping up or if I am just not able to consume the 4,000 calories I need to maintain stable weight with two nurslings. My midwife suggested postpartum hyperthyroidism because I’m dropping weight so quickly. I’m 8 lbs. below my pre-pregnancy weight as of this morning. I have 4 lbs. to go before I hit Shanna’s pre-pregnancy weight. I gained weight with both miscarriages. I’m not especially worried about the weight loss in either case. Postpartum hyperthyroidism cures itself after a while (and you usually gain the weight back pretty quickly) and more generic weight loss when I am eating like a horse is ok with me. So neither is worth much concern. I am so not going to be on anything resembling a diet anytime in the near future if ever again.

So I’m reaching the nebulous point where I start questioning my own usage of the word fat. Once I start shopping in ‘regular’ stores again, once I hit a point where my own view of my body is, “Ok I still have chunk -here- but mostly not so much” then I start feeling like I shouldn’t use the word. Mostly because I think it is no longer accurate, but at least partially because when I use it people seem to take it as a judgment of *them* and that’s a mixed bag. I really wish I could describe myself using terms I feel are accurate and have people just accept them as is. I don’t hear people arguing with me when I say, “I’m a brunette” and I wish that fat had about the same impact. For me it’s absolutely about word reclamation. Probably similar to how I use queer.

And I can feel my brains being sucked out of me by a nursling. I’m going to lose all coherence now.

13 thoughts on “On being fat

  1. rbus

    call yourself whatever you like!
    just be nice about it.

    i think i’m gonna start telling everyone i’m “big-dicked.”

    how are you today?
    why, big-dicked, thank you very much!

    you feeling okay?
    i’ve been fighting big-dick and it’s really got me down.

    what do think causing your vertigo?
    it’s the big-dick, without a doubt.

    your hands shake so badly!
    yeah. i wasn’t like that before big-dick.

    IF i were a grrl i could use “tight-pussied.”

    i could use “tight-ass,” i suppose,
    under certain special circumstances, mind you.

    i hardly run into those anymore.

    Reply
  2. vsherbie

    as long as you aren’t losing more than a couple pounds a week you’re probably fine. Keep a bit of an eye on it though, the endocrine system is not to be trifled with.

    Reply
    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      It’s more than a couple pounds a week right now. There really isn’t much I can do to slow it down cause shy of living McDonald’s it would be hard to get more calories. 🙂

      Reply
  3. jenny_sellinger

    us fat people just drop weight faster when we finally lose it. Think percentages, for someone 40lbs over weight, losing 8 lbs is only a fraction of the stored fat (fat stored with the idea of feeding babies), vs someone 8lbs overweight.

    basically, unless you’ve got other signs of hyperthyroid, you don’t have it and just enjoy having a metabolism while it lasts.

    Reply
  4. whipartist

    I totally get it. Fat is a loaded word in so many ways it’s not funny. For some people it’s a pejorative, an insult, something they have to defend themselves against. When you call yourself fat around someone like that, especially if they’re larger than you, they’ll likely take it as a judgment of them.

    For others, it’s a reclaimed pride term. Fat pride, fat activist, fatshionista. From that set, I expect you’ll get judgment of a different sort. “You’re not fat (cool, good) enough to join our club.”

    And then there are people who just think you’re putting yourself down and want to make you feel better.

    So yeah. “Fat” has a lot of baggage tied to it from all sorts of different directions, and you never know whose buttons you will push or how when you use it.

    Reply
    1. bellaballanda

      Again, you’ve said exactly what I was thinking in a much better way…..

      But I agree… When I’m feeling large, having someone say “oh you’re not that big” is exactly now what I want to hear…

      I’ve never shopped in “regular” stores… now I kind of don’t want to lose too much weight ’cause I don’t know what that would even be like.

      Reply
      1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

        It’s festive because I tend to spend most of my time hovering between ‘misses’ 14 and ‘womens’ 14. Which means I just can’t buy clothes.

        Reply

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