Today my father has been dead for 12 years. He committed suicide to avoid going to prison for molesting me. It sounds so… dramatic. I wish I could stop having mixed feelings about it. I wish I could just get over it or hate him or feel at peace. I’m sad that I never really got to have a father. I’m sad that he made the choices he made. I’m sad that so many people were hurt because of him.
I’m not sad I broke the cycle.
I am so sorry. These messes are incredibly painful and complex. As much as you’ve healed, as good a life as you’ve built, there’s always that pain. At least, that’s how it is for me — YMMV.
My best wishes to you on this difficult day.
(((hugs)))
Have you ever tried working with a psychologist for EMDR.
Wishing you space for all your mixed feelings.
Also, *hugs* if you’d like them.
Also also, I have much admiration of you for breaking the cycle.
(((hugs)))
I respect your choices. And as for closure, we seldom get that. I think what you are doing, living your live well, is what really matters.
You are amazing
I’ve rewritten this post several times now and nothing sounds right, so I’m just going to say again, you are amazing. So, there.
– Alisa
I’m not sad I broke the cycle.
And you shouldn’t be.
I’m sorry it had to be you, though.