I think I should keep going to the support group. I think I’m not going to get much out of it. When the other folks need to have PTSD defined, we are just not at the same place in our journey. Nice women though. It’s remarkable how overwhelmingly fucking cocky I felt. God damn I like myself compared to them. The group leader asked us to list five things we were proud of/reasons we liked ourselves from the last week. The other two couldn’t come up with stuff. Shit, I can come up with five things in the past few hours. Parenting interactions, marital interactions, finishing the mural… it’s not hard to come up with stuff really quickly for me. The other women couldn’t do it. That was interesting to me. Despite me feeling like I have a lot of self-loathing I’m not sure I really and really and really truly do. (Yes, that was a specific language choice not a typo.)
The words… they are stuck. :-/
Sounds good; maybe they will profit from your knowledge and skills.
yes, you should keep going (if you want to). on one hand, you’ve done a ton of work and a ton of healing, you’ve amassed all this knowledge, wisdom and skills – you have a lot to offer, which feels good. on the other hand, no matter how much information you have or how much you’ve grown to accept about your(awesome)self, you still do have those moments of intense self-loathing and wanting to die and excruciating pain. so, you know. support is good. actual real-life support even from people who may not seem like they have a lot to offer you right now . . . i bet they do.
i vaguely remember texting about this last night when i was sleeping. i’m sorry if i sent you an unintelligible sleep-text that looked like a caveman wrote it.
reminds me of they way my parents used to talk about traveling: go places so you can appreciate what it’s like at home.
And even when you have all the skills, sometimes it’s good to be (a) reminded you have them and (b) reminded to use them.