People aren’t awake to distract me so I responded to Tyra instead. I told her:
I shouldn’t do this, but I’m going to. Tyra, what your mother did to you was sexual abuse. The fact that you want to continue a relationship with someone who sexually abused you isn’t ok. That means you are doing something bad and broken. You continue to let her act like she is a good person who has never done anything wrong. The fact that your mother invited you and your brother into her sex life. The fact that she encouraged you and your brother to have sex with each other. The fact that your mother allowed her husband to rape your brother. The fact that your mother raped my brother Jimmy and will flat deny it right now.
I am not walking away because of what my father did to me. I am walking away because your mother, my sister, and your grandmother, my mother, are sexual predators. They have sexually assaulted a couple of generations of people. They are disgusting, bad people. I hope they rot in hell for what they did to me, you, and Denny. Because we are only the most recent. My kids will not be victims of that mindset. Because even if I managed to be vigilant enough that no one ever did anything to my kids I would be raising my kids around a family who thinks that sexually assaulting little kids is ok.
And all of you obviously think it’s ok because you keep letting it happen.
her (probable) lack of appreciation doesn’t diminish the value of this gift. you’re sharing some hard-won wisdom, here, and (in the best sense of the word) righteousness.
what’s that saying? the hardest part of doing what’s right is knowing what’s right? well, this is right. now she doesn’t even have to figure it out for herself – she just has to recognize it.
I understand where she is because I felt the same way when Jimmy broke contact 5 years ago.
The natural and instinctive course of action when face with that level of evil is to destroy it or remove it from society, and you are not a murderer or kidnapper and don’t have the means to get the state to kill them or lock them away forever.
Which has got to affect your ability to deal with them at all.
You are right that a lot of what is going on right now is the complete overwhelming instinct to physically go after my abusers. And I can’t do anything. So my brain twists it to wanting to hurt my children. I’ve never thought about it that way and I should. Thank you. That’s a really useful observation.
My immediate thought is that you need an outlet for those energies and that a punching bag and some boxing/kick-boxing lessons would help take the edge off a bit.
At least, in the past when I’ve wanted to punch things because of much more minor sources of frustration, it really helped to have a punching bag on hand.
Noah and I have talked about that. But I’m not in a place where that feels like the right thing. I don’t have the freedom for physical excersion right now for that. I don’t have it mentally.
I spelled that wrong and I don’t care. kid up
Sorry, I had to head out for the day, so I didn’t get a chance to come back and clarify. I meant primarily as a means of releasing pressure before things get to a crisis point, not so much as a solution to the current crisis.
Come to think of it, if you were in a place where hitting things would actually help, you would’ve already been punching the walls.