Last night I went out and did something that may have been stupid. I got rip roaring drunk. I had three mixed drinks (rum and coke, whiskey and coke, whiskey sour) and two jello shots. Over ~4 hours. That is more alcohol than I have had in an evening since before I had kids. I am very sick today. I had somewhere around two hours of sleep. Oh man.

But you know what? I had fun. I’m not going to drink like that, maybe ever again. But I went out with the intention of finding trouble because I was feeling self destructive. I got blanket permission to do anything I wanted with anyone I wanted. So I made out with a fun, cute girl. And when I started to have bad tapes in my head I told her that I was ready to stop and I did. There were a number of other implied offers. I looked at each of them and decided that I didn’t want to be that kind of self destructive after all. It’s kind of weird that I am getting closer and closer to flat out monogamy now that I feel better and more secure about the idea of poly.