So I’m reading about human pair-bonding habits and the last page made me think of Noah.
Helen Fisher and colleagues (2002:415-17) argued that romantic love includes a consistent suite of traits that cut across cultures. In a sample of Japanese and American respondents, they found thirteen characteristics that were reliably associated with intense romantic love, with few differences between the two samples. A partial list includes:
- obsessive, ‘intrusive thinking’
- thinking that the other person is unique
- prioritizing emotional ‘union’ over sexual desire
- focusing on positive qualities of the person, while overlooking negative ones
- increased energy and exhilaration
- a high sense of empathy and altruism toward the person
- sleeplessness and loss of appetite
- feeling greater connection to the person during adversity
- feeling that intense romantic love is ‘involuntary,’ but also temporary
Except for that last bit, that is not a bad description for how I feel about Noah this week. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about temporary.
Obsessive… check
Other unique… mostly, yeah
union over sex… well, about equal
overly positive… yeah, with malice of forethought
energy… yeah
empathy and altruism… yep
sleeplessness and loss of appetite… not so much (unless she’s away)
greater connection in adversity… yeah
involuntary but temporary… uh, no. deliberate and cultivated, yeah.