Well this is a banner morning. I sat here trying to come up with something I was angry about. I went through a few of my pet topics in my head. I’m not sure if I feel resignation or sadness or rather I just feel resolute. I think I am at a place where I have satisfied enough Whys for now.
I left stuff out of the book. I left people out of the book. It was an accident. On one hand I feel the need to go back and add those people in. On the other hand, no I need to edit what is there, not add material. I can add a forward and that’s it. I can’t stay mired in that part of my life. If something comes up in a conversation I can say it or I can add stuff to the blog but that book is done. I need to stop thinking about that part of my life so much. It is over. It’s time to close that book.
But what do I do about all the damage? There are often unintended consequences to actions and they can last a lifetime. Who do I want my children to remember? It’s time to stop feeling angry all the time. Not because I have to, because I have actually given that run of my life a good long serious look. I don’t feel like I left anything unsaid I need to feel bad about not saying. It’s ok that people can’t really and truly get the accurate body count number of my sexual partners in the book. It’s really embarrassing how many people I left out of the book. I wasn’t talking about the parts of my life that included them. There was so much to tell. The threads just fell out of the story.
I’m mostly through Bastard Out of Carolina. I read Trash about a week ago. I’m really grateful a friend handed them to me right now. I can stop fretting about this book. No Shame, No Secrets, No Silence is done. I’m thinking about emailing it to my editor right now, in fact. Done.
good on you! If your blog in anything to go by I am sure your book is interesting and well written must be amazing. How did you even begin the writing process for a book? I have been pressured to write a book but I don’t even know where to begin!
Well, I have been blogging for years. I went to graduate school in English lit so I learned a lot about writing as a process. I had to go about learning writing in a roundabout way before I was ready. I said, “I’ll do it someday” for a long time before I did it.
I had basically a mental breakdown right around starting this blog. The stories started coming out with more form. I decided to pick November (www.nanowrimo.com) and just do it. Get a book out. I started in the middle and worked my way forwards then backwards. Other people tell their stories in different ways but it was really important to me to tell the outline with as much detail as possible in chronological order. There was just so much. I don’t spend much time getting detailed about any year. I don’t think any year passed 5,000 words. And still, so much happened. So very very much.
I had to start at what was bothering me the most on November 1st and start writing there. Then I just followed my story to the end and then came back and wrote the stuff that came earlier. I bounced around a lot the last week. Backwards and forwards trying to fix structure and flow. It was actually fun. I’m looking forward to the next book.