“Some people believe that when you think about things like rape and assault you bring it into your world.”

Yeah. I know. People have been telling me that they have different lives than me so it must be all my fault I have the experiences I have for my whole life. I must have brought it on myself. I bring everything on myself.

I understand why my brother used to beat his head into windows. After a while they made him wear a helmet full time because they got tired of repairing the scalp wounds.

Nothing bad is happening. Today has been mellow and easy so far. But I really want to shove my head through a window. I want to break someones bones. I don’t really care who. I want someone to lie on the ground in front of me heavily bleeding while I kick them for a while.

Then I will tell them to “get over it” and “you brought it on yourself, you know. You must have at some point been afraid this would happen. You thought of it. It’s your fault.”

I guess I’ll go clean the bathroom. Folks like me are good for that kind of thing. And the window in that room is small and would be a difficult target.

(For the record: not mad at the person who said it. I uhhh have a lot of previous pissiness with such phrases. You weren’t being a jerk even remotely. I can still HAVE FEELINGS because I’m like that.)