Here’s to hoping that the stunned expressions at book club were not from shock or horror. I will find out soon if I am excommunicated. Ha. I’m really not good at being in the closet any more.

The topic of hitting came up. I clarified some of my positions. Like: I don’t hit my kids and in my culture I have no plans to ever hit my kids. I think there is the distinct possibility that at some point in time we will be in a different enough culture where I will believe that hitting a kid in order to make them be quiet and safe until we have the ability to go aside privately and talk about the problem is ok. Does that mean that I think that I will automatically hit my kids when we travel? Of course not. Shanna has been to four foreign countries and nary a slap to her credit.

I understand that sometimes parents hit their kids as a way of showing extreme boundaries. “I do this so you learn from this experience and don’t die.”

In the book Outlander there is a scene where the 18th century guy tells the 20th century chick not to wander off or he will beat her. She wanders off and incurs major risk and badness for lots of people. Her husband beat her. After it was over they negotiated that it won’t happen again.

But I get why it happened. I don’t feel upset with him for living according to the rules of the culture he was raised with. She risked lives. She needs to feel how god damn serious that is.

If we were in an Islamic country and one of my daughters wanted to mouth off I would silence her. I do not know how much risk we are taking by different behaviors. I don’t know what will result in my daughter getting seriously harmed by people who disapprove of her existing. I know that there is actual serious risk involved. (Much like Jaime did in the book I would warn my kids about the consequence in advance–we are traveling and the rules are different. This is how and this is why.)

In the process of discussing it someone asked me about how I can process something like that quickly. How can I read books as fast as I do–don’t I have to stop and think about them?

Specifically I was asked how I could just take in a man beating his wife and not have to stop and think about it.

It was in context so I weighed the consequences for like twenty seconds (obviously I am ready to be ostracized if it is going to happen) and said that I don’t particularly have to stop and think about him beating her all that much. I just accept it as the story and keep going. I don’t get hung up on things like that partially because when I became an adult I went straight into the bdsm community and spent two years as a 24/7 slave. The idea of being hit just isn’t something I have to think about much. It happens. Ok.

We didn’t stay on the book much. We wandered into a lot of third world travel situations and how crossing cultures works. We talked about internal vs. external locus of control. I don’t even remember all of what we talked about. I had fun.

The fantasy faire was great; I look forward to it next year. They had a *wonderful* game section with a wide variety of board games and good games for small children. Calli and I spent a lot of time tossing stuffed frogs into a bowl. It was more fun than it sounds. They got their faces painted (unicorns) and I got a bodice so that I can go to Ren Faire again someday. The one I had before today is from a friend and she has much wider shoulders than me so it just didn’t fit. The rest of the garb is more flexible and easy to make work. A bodice must fit.

I’m glad today went well. I feel like we all needed that. I feel really good about my interactions with the kids today. Boundaries are good. Not yelling is good. Talking about  responsibility is good.

I’m glad I got to spend today with my children. I’m very lucky to know them.