1. I still wake up in the morning and grieve because I am not the kind of person you wanted.

2. I miss you more with every day. This is really hard.

3. No, actually I can’t call. I know it would be “ok” with you but I can’t. I am broken in this way. I just can’t do it. I don’t see you. That puts up a barrier. I can’t cross it. I’m sorry.

4. I wish things had turned out differently. I think it could have been better.

5. Sometimes I wish I could drive to your house. I wonder if you would let me in or scream at me.

6. I don’t know you and I will never know you. I’m trying as hard as I can not to think judgmental thoughts about you. You are making very different choices than me. Choices that make you more appealing than I am to people I like very much. It is hard to not feel jealous of you.

7. Sometimes I wish I could use a sewing needle to suture your mouth shut.

8. Maybe people aren’t mean to you because they are all inherently mean people. Maybe people are mean to you because you are a tremendous douchebag.

9. There is not a thing in your life that I want. Not a decision I would duplicate. I still wish that I could be you. I wish that I understood why you want what you want. I wish I understood the mental processes that lead you to make the decisions you make. I want to be you. I don’t want to be like you.

10. When I look at you I feel sad. I know we will never be close and I wish we could be. I admire you so much. I am sorry that I am such a piece of shit.