I’m having a conversation with someone about what constitutes depression.

If you are exercising, making food three meals a day, cleaning your house, playing with your kids, writing books, and reading a wide variety of topics… it’s kind of hard to call you “depressed”. Maybe you’ve just hit Boring Adulthood.

I think that people who grow up with dysfunction expect a level of “excitement” from life that isn’t healthy or happy. Sometimes when we settle down we want to call it depression and “liven things up a bit” with some well placed drugs (often given by doctors).

I’m not sure this is depression. If you are getting All The Things done then I’m not sure you should be on medication for depression. Maybe this is just a boring phase of life. Those happen and they are healthy and appropriate.

Maybe not being able to plan for the future is more about your current life being unpredictable. One is not always in a space to be able to predict the future. Sometimes if you work too hard on preparing for the future you will waste resources you can’t afford to waste as you prepare for things that will never happen.

Sometimes you have to just let the days flow by and trust that things will change. Sometimes that is the right thing to do. I don’t have to be Preparing For The Future! every second of the day. Some days I’m just doing my chores and hanging out with the kids. That isn’t always the same as depression.

Depression is when you are too sad/lethargic/empty feeling to be able to function. When you can’t think. When you can’t process the basic parts of keeping the boat afloat. When you HATE everyone in your life for requiring you to make three meals a day.

If you feel ok but kind of bored… that’s probably not depression. Maybe ennui. Sometimes learning to live with even those uncomfortable bored feelings is where you are. It’s part of life too.

I’m definitely in Boring Adulthood. I have gone from using about 10% of my previous amount of pot to more like 25% of what I had been using. I’m struggling with nightmares. At this level of pot usage I’m not getting stoned I’m just barely taking the edge off of my anxiety. At this level I no longer have that lovely fog to block out my dreams. Instead I have some nightmare every night.

I’ve done well with the kids for the past week-ish. I haven’t been yelling let alone screaming. I’ve been patient and “happy” seeming. We are getting along well.

I’m afraid of the future. There are things I can plan for (mostly this means: save money) and things I can’t. I can’t do any big projects any time soon. My body hurts too much. I need to just… be. But I exercise and do my chores and get my shit done. Sometimes that’s life.