Yesterday at the water park Calli told me, “I am staying with ONLY YOU the WHOLE time. And when we are in the water you have to hold my hand. You can never let go.”

We were there with another family. She wasn’t interested in switching off which grown up she was with. Shanna didn’t care. She was like, “Bye mom. See you later.” But that is how she always is. I don’t actually think Shanna will want to grow up and live with me. She’s too happy to leave me behind.

Obviously I acquiesced to Calli’s requirements. Like you do.

To abruptly change the topic, whereas I have never watched this video before this moment (oh my goodness she’s crazy) this song has been on repeat in my head for a while now. If Ke$ha had been making music when I was hunting I would have been way more obsessed with her music. Uhm, I don’t listen to it when my kids are around. Ha.

After watching that video I feel a little bit extra confused by the long nails. I don’t get why women wear them. But I spend a lot of my life gardening. You don’t have ridiculously long nails with a life like mine. Maybe I just can’t understand being non-handy. No, I have hang ups about the nails. But those go back to childhood and That’s Not The Point Of This Post.

I have never been “drawn” to people who refuse to work with their hands. If sitting around and looking pretty is what you are good for then I don’t have a lot of use for you. I’m a worker bee and I like other worker bees. I mean, it’s not like I *hate* people who don’t work with their hands. But it baffles me and I often don’t know how to talk to them.

Despite Noah not being handy. Life is hilarious. It’s a good thing he’s got me around. That’s all I’ve got to say. Speaking of handy: I need to grease the hinges to the garage door. I’m tired of the squeak when I wake up in the morning.

In general I’ve been thinking about how much I like Noah despite there being some on paper reasons for me to be an asshole. He hasn’t earned such behavior from me. But I’m well aware that most treatment people receive has nothing to do with them earning it or not.

I have a lot of deep prejudices. Sometimes I feel pretty ashamed of myself.

I feel like I’m getting closer to being able to handle the mom in the home school group. I’m less likely to explode. I’m more clear on what I want to get out of it. More of the stakes have been made clear to me. I kind of hate social dynamics.

My arms hurt. But I want to unwind. I already went on a three mile walk (half of it with Calli on my back because she wanted to snuggle) but I feel like maybe I will run.

I didn’t do a long run yesterday. I am not training consistently. I have too many priorities. I’m looking forward to the end of the month and sending off my book. Then I get to have a few weeks off.

I haven’t set down a running schedule yet. October feels so far away. And I think I’m relying too heavily on the fact that I have a slight fitness edge over the friend I am running with. She is just starting to run. I practically seem speedy.

But she’s doing a whole bunch of full body exercise stuff I don’t do. I need more exercise than I’m getting. I haven’t been feeling very strong lately. I’ve been slacking and resting and I’m getting softer and slower.

I keep thinking there will be some vitally important reason I will need to learn to run very fast at some point in the future. It isn’t a good idea for me to continue the sedentary lifestyle I’ve had for most of my life.

Ok. I’ll go run. And I will get to listen to very loud slutty music. And I’ll jump Noah again tonight. I must be ovulating. Holy moly.

I’m really glad I married someone who says “yes” to sex 99.3% of the time. (We’ve had a lot of sex, but he has turned me down a few times…) This works for my self esteem. Thank you, honey.