I think I should get off the internet for a bit. I should probably also stop talking to anyone with a penis about issues of violence. I find that after most of these conversations I believe that the only thing I can do is kill myself.
And I don’t even think any of them would care that much. Ok, Noah would care. But I’m feeling really bitter and pissy and nasty today about why he would care. So I should stop typing.
I can’t protect anyone. Not even myself. Sometimes I understand the mothers who kill their kids and then themselves. (Not that I want to kill my kids.)
But I feel very sorry that I brought them into this world. I’m sorry babies. I can’t make it better. I can’t keep you safe.
I’m so sorry.
Suggested reading: “The Cornered Cat” by Kathy Jackson. Or on the internet: http://www.corneredcat.com/.
I am so sorry. I have nothing. I just… dammit, that man did it. And another one will do it. And I don’t know when or where and I can’t tell the people I love how to not get murdered and I just go round and round and round and I am so sorry.
I have been freaking out for days now because he’s a time bomb. And there are others. And jesus what do I do?