We went camping with the home schoolers. I think this was the sixth? Seventh? Time we have been camping since we got married. Once or twice was pre-kids. So we haven’t been camping a lot. Before I got married I went camping with Daddy J a few times. He did 100% of the work before giving me drugs so it was a … different experiences. Otherwise not a lot of camping experience.
I’m getting better and more competent. Multiple times this weekend people expressed delight at how prepared I am. “Oh crap. I forgot ____. Krissy!…..” I always had whatever they forgot. It’s not because I’m so cool. It’s because I spent three weeks on Pinterest copying packing lists.
It was fun. The people were very nice. I didn’t feel defensive at all. That is pretty rare for me. I played with the kids a lot. Other parents are starting to refer to me as the cruise director. “You’re bored? I’ve got badminton rackets, frisbee, card games, decks of cards, chalk, play-doh, little random animal figurines, My Little Ponies, books, magnifying glasses….” the list goes on. I had a lot of shit for keeping kids busy. Thanks to Pinterest! And given that I will cheerfully suck at badminton in front of them to show them “how” to play it all goes well.
It was a really nice weekend. I medicated, but on the distinctly low end for me and it was ok. I didn’t get anywhere close to a panic attack. *phew*
Now my house is a huge mess and I bought this camping shit and I don’t know where to put it. I love first world problems. First world problems are so awesome. I am SO HAPPY that I get to have this problem. Just to make it clear to the universe that I don’t need a demonstration of worse problems. I’m good.
It’s awkward talking to people about my writing. Folks who knew asked about progress. So new people asked, “Oh what are your books about?”
“Uhm, shitty stuff. Scary stuff.”
“?? You mean like horror?”
(Everyone who is already “in the know” starts giggling.)
“No… not really. My first book is the auto-biography of the first eighteen years of my life. I needed to write it all down as context for the stuff I will write later. I can’t otherwise explain my life. It’s not pithy.”
“Oh, so what was your life like?”
“Oh the garden variety life. Lots of promiscuous sex starting in early elementary school, incest, rape, drugs, alcoholism, people lighting themselves on fire, lots of suicide. You know, a normal life.”
BIG EYES. “So uhm, what is your second book about?”
“My second book is the book I wish I could have read when I was twelve. All the information about sexual safety and drugs and cutting and mental illness I needed to know about. Oh, and lots of stuff about managing money and figuring out how to find adult allies. The stuff I cared about.”
“Wow. Those sound like intense books.”
“Yeah.”
Then they kind of walk away looking shell shocked. I need a better patter. But man. How in the hell do you soft-sell this shit? It’s really bad. But in this group after hearing what I write about no one has required that I stay away from their kids. I’m going to say I’m doing ok with my behavior as far as earning trust goes. *phew*
Just keep on doing what you’re doing.
Well, you could talk more about your second book and talk about how it’s harm reduction focused for teens and kids. That’s neutral as can be.
Then the questions about your first book, or about why you’re interested in harm reduction can come up or not. I’m delighted that noone is being a jerk to you about this, that’s good to hear.
I wonder if some of the shell shock is how well-adjusted you present to them? I felt this way about Tina– she’s an amazing, educated, strong woman who exists on my socio-economic level. Who was a decade-long victim of domestic violence. I look at her and think– if you couldn’t walk away for so many years… that means _I am vulnerable_. It took me a long time (a couple of weeks of intense near-daily conversation?) to realize that this was the source of my discomfort. If someone I admire so much and think so highly of was a victim, I could also be a victim. It’s terrifying and frankly it was less scary to walk away rather than think about it. But she’s important to me, so I made the effort to think about it.
I’m glad the camping trip was awesome! My favorite LOL of your post: ‘I LOVE first world problems! Universe, I am happy with this!’
Also, I love inflection point’s idea 🙂