I know that I have to be specific about what I want in order to get it. But when you end up feeling intensely suicidal as one of the result options, you aren’t supposed to tell people that. If the situation is, “Don’t make jokes about me because I will spend days haunting my house like a ghost and wanting to kill myself because it doesn’t sound like a joke it just sounds like a continuation of my life story” then you are being manipulative.
You aren’t allowed to tell people “If you do x I will want to kill myself.” You aren’t allowed to do that. Even if it is true. It is “mean”. It is considered abusive to tell people that.
I don’t know how to get out of this double bind. I never have known how. Many things cause me to feel intensely suicidal and lose days of my life to crying and weeping and hiding in my house. Talking about them is “wrong”. Not talking about them means I have to cut people out of my life because I can’t deal with being triggered.
I don’t know what the solution is.
Perhaps, along the lines of dear DSH and her affirmations, one can phrase certain things in the positive rather than the negative; ie “if you came and watched me run, it would really mean a lot to me” vs “if you don’t come i will want to hurt myself.” One can perhaps still ask for the things you need, without it being considered a terrorist act? I know you hate feeling like you have to put a filter on.
I do phrase things that way. Has little effect on behavior. I find that when I phrase things mildly people just “forget” or say they “didn’t understand”.
Then people are assholes.
Was this in doubt?