I just spent a while getting honest with Mint. If we want to come out even at the end of the year… I’m going to have to figure out how to… change what we are doing.

I feel guilty about it, but we probably aren’t going to sign up for more for-pay classes this year. Medical stuff needs to be… more budgeted. We are going to eat some rice and beans and slow down how fast we are going through the meat in the freezer.

If I’m careful, by the end of the year everything will be back where I want it to be. If I’m not careful I could fuck us for several years. This remodel is becoming problematic. First of all: the contract ended up not including *anything* other than labor. (That was uhm, not clear to me till well into it.) And I’m paying the lawyer a bunch. And. And.

Deep breath.

I feel like an asshole but I’m going to slow down (not stop) my charitable giving. I’m going to keep my steady list and catch up my bank account. When I no longer worry about wiping out my bank account with an unaware credit card auto-pay then I’ll make up what I am supposed to give for the whole year.

I like auto-pay. It keeps me out of trouble. Right now… I can’t pay off my credit cards. That scares me. It’ll be fine. They will be paid off in May. But…

Eeek.

And my remodeling company called me last night and told us they don’t need to follow the law, it’s only a $250 fine.

Tomorrow, when I have time, it’s time to involve the state licensing board. Enough shenanigans. I gave them enough rope and now it’s time to hang ’em.

We aren’t going to negligently break the law all over my construction project in my name.

Nope.

There’s nothing to be frustrated about. Geez why are you over reacting.

I’m just like that.

Tile work made progress yesterday. As I’m doing my lay out it occurs to me…. I don’t think I’m leaving enough room between tiles for grout. Shucks. I think I need to go get some tile spacers so I have an actual idea of how much room to leave. Right now I’m pretty sure I will do it wrong and in this complicated of an art piece it will seriously matter. That said.. the tree is stunning so far.

I’m doing wavy lines of different styles of brown/gold/copper tiles for the trunk. It’s really gorgeous. Some of the tile lines are uniform and some are variable and both together look so pretty. Because I want it to be wider at the bottom, I’m trying to figure out how to get a whorl in the trunk. I want to see movement and change. I want to see how life forces you to adapt to what is rather than getting what you want all the time.

The leaves are going to be these gorgeous gold stones. Ok, square leaves, but whatever. They will be pretty. At the end of branches. Surrounded by blue tiles for sky. But just a little blue peeking through because it’s a dense tree on the edge of a forest.

There are going to be fall flowers among grass and bushes.

Shit. I’m going to need to order more tile at this rate.

This bathroom project is going to be about $140,000 because I picked the wrong damn contractors. I’m so mad at myself. This is my fault.

I feel kinda weird and bad about the fact that I can absorb that loss.

I should get ready for today.