I am writing this down partially so I don’t forget before Monday because my memory is *that* Swiss cheese like right now. Also writing it down because I’m kinda exhibitionistic. Ahem.

Monday’s scene: contentious Daddy/daughter relationship. He had been expecting to pop my cherry and instead, I’m such a slut I’m fucking the neighbor boys. Like I do. So Daddy is going to be quite angry with me for taking away the “prize” he was supposed to get for raising me.

I doubt this will be anywhere as intense as the Daddy’s drug dealer scene we did years ago. But it should be vicious.

Things I’m supposed to remember: I am supposed to wear lots of eye makeup so that it runs when I cry. Set timers for ‘can’t fuck before’ time and ‘must go pick up kid from camp’.

Why do we need a timer for ‘can’t fuck before’? Because otherwise Noah gets all excited like five minutes in and it’s over. I get kinda… obnoxious about that. I know I prefer sex to bdsm in the aggregate, but I like my bdsm to go on for a bit before we get to the fucking if that is what we are here to do.

Noah and I didn’t really do Daddy/daughter play before I wrote my first book. He just… wasn’t interested. After I wrote the book he said that he now understands why that dynamic is… what it is to me. I have mixed feelings about that but I’m going to get off a few dozen times so let’s go with it.

I was asked if this is one of our favorite dynamics. I don’t think so. I think we prefer exploited kid/neighbor slightly more but the incest dynamic is fun sometimes. Yes, I’m fucked up.

I know lots of grown ups who like their bdsm as themselves, as consenting mutually understanding adults. I respect that. A lot of my bdsm play is tied up with dealing with reenacting abuse/exploitation scenarios. Is it healthy?

I have two Daddy’s, a Dad, and Noah likes to have me call me Daddy sometimes and these are all people I have sexual contact with.

I’m not sure I’m going to get to a standard definition of “healthy”.

I think that is all I was supposed to remember for Monday.

We talked about how other days should maybe involve bondage practice and we are kinda interested in messing around with some protocol stuff. We didn’t negotiate anything about how those days will go because… let’s see how I’m doing after Monday. But bondage practice sure would be nice……….

I don’t wanna go do tile. My back hurts and I’m tired of sitting in that room alone. Whine.