Noah and I were slightly reminiscing about this scene last night. I’m not sure how much I’ve written about it. It was uhhh significant for us.

I could not even begin to list all the scenes I’ve done in my life. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many people or the names of the people I’ve done bdsm play with. I truly haven’t tracked it. But there are a few scenes that feel defining. One in particular Noah and I did a few years back. We think it was after our Eldest Child was born, but before Youngest Child? We can’t remember for sure.

We went to a now defunct play space. We separated when we got there so that he could set up and I could “arrive”.

We love a good role play.

The basic set up was that I was a teenage girl who was sent by her father to try to appease the drug dealer because my father is way behind on paying for his stuff and he has no money.

Which means that my mindset going into this was that it was probably going to be degrading sex with some pain.

Holy shit I underestimated Noah.

There have not been very many times in my life where someone made sure that playing with me was horrible. Every time something kinda sorta started to feel good or I started to act sexually responsive he would hurt me until I was screaming like an animal in a trap then he would have more sexual fun. It was… overwhelming and intense.

This is definitely in my top five brutal scenes.

I have never before or since had someone who was that sure they wanted to fuck me and they didn’t want me to enjoy it even a little bit, not even at all.

I could barely walk out of the building. It was not even remotely fun while it was happening. I’ve beaten off to that memory more times than I could count.

I don’t think today will be brutal like that. Daddy has never ever been nasty and vicious the way the drug dealer was. Holy shit.

But he can be mean. Sigh. Yay.

I shouldn’t say funny. I have read a few articles by white women who are completely offended by the song (potentially triggering video because of torture) Bitch Better Have My Money because a white woman is tortured in proxy for the sins of a white man.

I just… can’t agree with them. I should like an asshole today.