It’s the assumption that all people need to always be operating from the position of being an autonomous human being.

Nope. I reject that. I choose to think of myself as part of a dyad first. Yeah, I need to have a self that is separate as well but I do think that figuring out how to be in this dyad is more important than just caring most about myself and my boundaries. Yeah I’m ok with loss of control of my own limits in return for knowing what I can expect in trade.

I don’t want anarchy. I’m ok with ranking and comparing people. I am less important than the primary partners of the folks I’m seeing when I am in a secondary position. I believe that. My Daddy is married and handfasted. Those relationships are more important than his relationship with me because those are the people who seriously carry him through life. I am there sometimes. When I have stuff to spare. He needs to cover his ass and I 100% support that.

There is exactly one person who picks my sorry ass up off the floor over and over and over and over again.

I god damn notice that and I think the fact that he does that entitles him to some level of influencing my behavior so I don’t hurt him on accident.

It’s all well and good to “assume people don’t mean to hurt you” but I live in a world where people get hurt anyway and your intentions mean shit.

We trade a lot of control over ourselves as individuals for ability to dictate the shape of how to not hurt one another. I like that. It’s a good trade. I will trade loss of spontaneity for a lot of ability to say “Yes a Not b.”

And holy fucking shit just… I… I … I’M BEING SO GOD DAMN GOOD RIGHT NOW.

I’m going back to bed. Cause I need to not stick my foot all the way god damn down my throat.

FUSS.

I love you. I know I’m not good at “arguing the words on the page” the way you want me to. It would take me a few thousand words to explain why those words are a thing and I’ll talk around it till the end and my hands can’t do that.

URGLHFLURF

My relationships aren’t all autonomous. My relationship with my submissive is influenced by my relationship and his relationship with his other partner.

I don’t want complete autonomy. I really don’t. I like that my web involves a lot of cross responsibility. I want that. I want to figure out how to honor that and my own limits.