The kids and I spent the day talking about what they want from the summer. I asked them how many days they want to stay home without visitors and how many days they want people to visit and how many days they want to go out. Eldest Child wants four days at home with no guests; Youngest Child requested five days a week with no outsider contact. I think they might be over-stimulated.

There are a few fuzzy areas: if their babysitter comes and Noah and I go out that counts as staying in. Because “Babysitter doesn’t count as a guest… she’s family.” I didn’t make a snarky comment about how it doesn’t count to bang chicks in a one dick poly situation because inappropriate BUT I THOUGHT IT.

We have some long-term guests staying. That doesn’t really count in the same way.

So it’s all fuzzy. But between a 3 week visit and a 2 week trip… the summer is slammed. And we love far too many people. We made a list. Sometime between now and September we have a whole bunch of people we want to touch base with because we should not let them fall out of the rotation.

I have err, not thought about scheduling dates. I feel like…

Yeah. I can’t think about that until negotiations are finalized. Not even a little.

But I’m noticing places in the calendar where they could happen.

Like I do.

I’m thinking about options.

And I’m not booking any of those dates because I need to get closer and see if I have the spoons.

Shit. I hate being a grown up.

BUT SEX. SEX. SEX. SEX.

I won’t be able to get to a more predictable weekly schedule till I force it then build around it in September. We have too many awkward things to plan around until then. Good golly. Ugh. Why do I want so many different components to life? WHY?!

I should have fewer hobbies. Or fewer friends. But who to give up? What to stop doing?

Naw, I need more hours in the day. That’s the solution.

It is hard that the time at the Bonus Kid’s house counts as “out of the house” time so we… are only basically getting four out of the house days doing stuff together days in a month given the restrictions they are asking for right now.

That’s hella limited, yo.

And good golly we want to keep in touch with a long list of people outside of the long list of people we like fucking.

Sigh.

I haven’t even emailed everyone yet. Because that never goes well.

Like, just a few at a time. It’s bad news to try everyone at once. That goes… sideways. It’s not about A List/B List.

Scheduling is just hard.

This is where I trip hard on “comparing and contrasting is bad”. I always feel weird shame and anxiety around the order in which to email people. Who gets what time slot. Why. Because. Not because I love someone more, because life isn’t fucking fair and this is how it is shaking out this month. Because there is no good reason. Because I’m only so big and I have only so much time to share.

Because resting is more important. I love you. I do. But I need the rest more. So I try to share what I can.

I hope it is enough.

I love you.

This summer I am building in rest time. Because if I do, maybe you’ll get to keep me longer.