Today I have therapy. The kids are going north to my friend’s house and then I bring my Bonus Kids home with me.

I slept well. More than seven hours consecutively. That’s awesome.

Conversations continue. I’m feeling a lot better about where we are. Just one scary chat left. Two more days. Eeep.

There will be rules and restrictions. I… shouldn’t add a new partner any year soon here. No really, I’m fully booked. I have so much unfinished business that I don’t have time to start new business.

I feel like the reasons I initially went out and started doing this are not the same exact things I feel like I want to get out of it now. With my submissive and Deity and Cupid. I feel like what I want has drifted quite a bit. Not in a bad way. Not in a way that means I’m less interested. I feel less like “I want someone” and more like “I want you” and I do understand that is more threatening to Noah.

I went out looking for vague shapes. Then I found what I found and went, “Oh well this is interesting…”

How am I going to carve out the shape of life I want? What do I want?

Sigh. I’m not sure if I want to spend more time sucking their cocks or listening to their lives. I’m really torn about which is more interesting. I really am picking people where I want to hear their stories. I realized that some of what I’m trying to hear is information that is going to help me write Part 2. Because Cupid was part of the ambient crowd during my whole relationship with my Owner and I never understood the folks around me much. This is a fascinating way to learn more about the background stuff I didn’t understand then.

Also: I’m just really enjoying the sex.

I want more sex. We’ve been having sex every day. More than once a day by the count. I want more. Sometimes I feel like there must be something wrong with me that I go through months and months and months where there is no such thing as enough sex. I could spend five hours a day having sex and that would be ok.

I’m not doing it because my life is full and I’m responsible.

But I want it.

Oh the conversations I’ve had recently. Even I blush. Am I really asking for this?!

Yes. Yes I really am.

Even though I’m blushing now I promise I’ll be enthusiastic in the moment. I want you. I want you very much. Even if it is hard to say out loud how I want you.

Awkward.

Eat breakfast. Take a shower. Get dressed. Go to Oakland. Talk to therapist. Go to dispensary. Pick up kids. Come home. Try not to be uptight.

That’s my day. I may do more cleaning. Because I’m still not where I want to be. But I am catching up paperwork. Yay! I need to clean off the standing desk. Noah will need to work there in two weeks. Eeeep.