I have canceled all but one date and I didn’t cancel that one because I’m afraid of the social/political fall out. When he gets to our house and notices the tension thick enough to cut with a knife it may turn into a chat session anyway. He’s a perceptive fellow.
We’ll see.
Do you know what I am sick to fucking death of? People telling me I should “make Noah” go to therapy. I AM NOT HIS MOTHER. I DO NOT MAKE HIM DO THINGS.
If you are thinking about messaging me to tell me that you really think I should make Noah see a therapist I want you to examine your motives and ask why you think I have such power. If you feel so fucking strongly talk to him about it and not me.
As I understand it I am never to ask for outside dating again. The specifically stated preference is that if I have such urges again: cut and suppress them.
Well. I have my orders.
Also: for the love of shiny green apples don’t “jokingly” tell me how I’m about to hit you any time soon. It’s not a funny joke. It wasn’t a funny joke a long time ago and I’m so over it I could puke.
As I understand it I am never to ask for outside dating again. The specifically stated preference is that if I have such urges again: cut and suppress them.
I have no fucking clue about outside dating. Can we wait until we’ve both been physically together, like, three or more consecutive months next time before either of us unilaterally declares that we’re dating? Right now I know I can’t usefully guarantee you enough support for next week, so I have no clue on “never”. You said something like, “right now, I assume I can never date again” and I grunted, because holy shit do I not feel comfortable giving a more specific answer. Dating other people in 2020 or later? Future is unclear, ask again later. I *have* said I’m not okay doing this whole mess the way it happened again. I’ll stand by that one.
You said that you’d need to cut in that case. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but so that I’ve written it down in public: I don’t *want* you to cut. But I need to stop doing absolutely everything to avoid it. That has resulted in some *really fucking awful* decisions on my part – I commit to more support than I can give you and then fail. That’s where we are right now. If your choices are to go off and fuck other people or cut… I don’t know. I’m hoping this decision can wait a few months. Because that’s the same decision I wasn’t up for making last paragraph.
No, I don’t want you to cut. But I also don’t want you to date other people, particularly if you need me not to date.
I have no clue what that looks like.
Well that is good to read because hearing it didn’t work.
Also: looking for a therapist now. Nobody has contacted me and suggested it unless you count Krissy, in person. But Krissy suggested it, and I’m looking through the Poly Friendly Professionals list now.
I’ve had little luck finding someone on the poly lists, but I’ve had success going through my insurance lists, looking for people who list queer issues as a specialty, and then calling and explaining my situation over the phone and checking on their response. Good luck, therapist hunting is shit but worth it.
It’s harder finding someone close to Fremont, 2 that I’d recommend up in SF or Oakland are Charlie Glickman or Dossie Eason. Dossie can get a little weird-hippy sometimes though.
I’ll take weird-hippy if she can also do “assertive.” My previous therapist’s failure mode was to just never offer any opinion or comment, and quietly listen. As it turns out, that doesn’t help me much.
When I was seeing her I found her to be, not assertive per se but more questioning. Working in that “what does that mean to you?” or “have you thought about…” or “what is the motivation behind…” kind of way.
I don’t have person experience with Charlie, but a couple of my good friends see him, one of whom is extremely stubborn and opinionated, yet he gets through to her.
I love Krissy and all don’t take this the wrong way. But if I were married to her I’d sure as shit need a shrink 😉