I didn’t have any alcohol yesterday. I proved to my satisfaction that it will be an ok way to help bridge the gap when I’m traveling and I don’t have other options. Beyond that it has a super high toxicity load and I just can’t drink all the time. I can’t be an alcoholic even though it sounds kinda nice right now. Maybe it’d help me die faster.

I self harmed yesterday. I’m not doing well. I don’t want to talk about it.

I can sorta hold my shit together when someone is looking at me. Then they stop looking at me and I crumble.

I can be trusted while someone is looking at me. Otherwise I’m pathetic, worthless and not worthy of trust. Only I didn’t do anything when I was out of eyesight last time either. I don’t really want to deal with it being all my fault when I get hit.

Fuck everything.