In an attempt to deal with my racing thoughts I’m going to leave this page up for the day. I’m going to try and never write more than a few sentences at a time for arm strain.
Do you know why I keep seeing the woo doctor? Because when I go in and stick my hand on the silly metal plate she comes back with, “By far the biggest thing to handle this time is emotional instability. The emotion that is coming up as dominant is alienation.” Shit. Ok fine. I’ll take the pills and drops. They do help.
I need to catch up on Mint. I’m freaking the fuck out. I feel like I try to get a handle on money and then, “Hey, wanna spend $6,000 repairing your kitchen?”
Do you know what I love about Mint? It is mostly a game I play with myself. Does whether I stay “in budget” in a certain random area really matter? No. At the end of the day the only part that matters is whether all of my bills are paid and there is still money in the bank. The distribution… isn’t ultimately that important.
I finally had that conversation with my trainer about boundaries. As I expected he spent a lot of the conversation looking like he was in pain. He was nice about it. He said thank you for telling him about my issues and he will work on treating me more appropriately. Can’t really get a better reaction. (He’s the sort to lecture me extensively about how it is Never Ok To Eat SubOptimal Food. Dude… there are days when I eat crap or I don’t eat. You are not the boss of my body. Don’t do that. You don’t know my story.)
I walked out in my back yard and I picked cauliflower and now I am turning it into soup. This feels mighty. Ok, I burned it a little. It was a very small quantity and took less time to cook than the standard recipe. It was… ok. Not amazing. Even with lots of asiago and pancetta.
Two friends said I should read this essay yesterday. It’s like my friends know me.
That’s yesterday
Have you tried watching ASMR videos to help sleep? Sometimes they help me sleep even if I don’t get the intended reaction very much.
Then again I’ve never watched one with headphones which is how they are supposed to be done.
https://youtu.be/Do99qNc2udc
Ok… that really kind of creeped me out. What the fuck is the theory behind those videos?
I get the ASMR reaction. I called it “brain fuzzies” for years before I found out some other people had it too and there was a name for it. It’s a very very pleasant relaxing sensation, kind of like a cat is purring from inside my skull. The most common thing I get it from is the sound of other people chewing when it’s otherwise quiet- it relaxes me and then puts me out like a lightswitch. Whispering and the sound of pages turning, lots of other sounds can set it off too.
Interestingly some people have pretty much the opposite reaction to the same sorts of sounds.
Aren’t they disturbing? That shit makes my skin Crawl. I know some people are really into that, but it just makes me want to punch someone.
That was how I felt. Oh god shut up lady. Just TALK ALREADY.
I thought ASMR was supposed to be that sensation where you get tingly shivers.
That’s what it is supposed to be. But some people, like me, kinda flip out when they hear it.