I think of my brain as needing defragging. For me, some of how I do this is dreaming about future plans–especially plans at Disneyland–because I’m revisiting a topic I’ve visited many times before and it is the opposite of stressful. I can have bad days in Disneyland (especially if my kids spend my entire birthday bitching about doing what I want to do) but I don’t have bad trips to Disneyland. It is the safest place I return to.

When I think about Disneyland I stop thinking about things that are stressing me out. I stop mentally rehearsing how terrible I am for not having already made my house completely tidy.

When I think about Disneyland I sit still and I feel excited but in a quiet way. I don’t need to get up and expend energy right now. I need to reserve it. The more thinking I do now the more automatically the trip will go. The more automatically a trip goes… the easier it is for everyone.

Noah in particular struggles with making decisions when in a crowded, busy environment. He can get overwhelmed. If I’ve thought a lot about Plans A-E then when he gets a spark of panic I say, “No worries! We will do ______.” He calms down.

This is harder in almost every other environment in the world. Disneyland is predictable. I mean the lines aren’t predictable but that’s the only thing. And my family only walks in with 1-2 rides we REALLY want to go on in a day. We go to those first. Then we wander around and enjoy being in Disneyland and rides are a bonus. When the lines are heinous, I hang out and people watch and have a wonderful day.

I don’t have to work in Disneyland but it is pretty and well cared for. I feel well cared for there. I have almost never in my entire life had a *Disneyland* employee respond with anything other than complete willingness to meet a need no matter how odd. (Disney employees on cruises, at the World and especially in France are not so predictable. They can suck.) I’m completely devoted to the California Disney experience. I just flat think it is better.

Thinking about what to eat there makes me happy and sad at the same time. (Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy does it have to be that expensive?) Because it does. Because that’s what it costs to pay that many employees and that many shareholders.

I want the experience, so I suck it up.

In January we have a room where we could have a guest. I’m not inviting anyone because I can’t cope with the possibility of rejection right now. It’s a me problem. Right this minute I can’t hear where I am in someone’s priority list so I can’t ask. It’s a lot of money. We go at times that are inconvenient for basically everyone (thus why the room and the park are cheaper and less crowded) and that means people need to say no. It’s not a personal rejection. Life just… yeah. Priorities are real things and I respect all of my friends priorities.

So I’ll go with my family. And just be grateful I have a family.

I read frequently about friends going down to Disneyland with their friends. I…

I’m just grateful I have a family. I’m kind of mixed at the friends-outing thing. My needs aren’t simple. The only person I seriously travel well with outside of my family is my Sarah and that’s because her disability needs aren’t that different from mine and we are both SO HAPPY to have someone be nice about our limitations that we don’t mind accommodating one another.

But she’s going in October. And she has a life. (I think the October trip will be wonderful. She gets to be part of a big deal event in her brother’s life and I’m really thrilled for all concerned. Besides, being at Disneyland with her brother is an EPIC experience. Good for her. He’s so much fun.)

Calm that anxiety down, Krissy. You are lucky and blessed. You have people in your life to the degree they can be. That’s so kind of people. It’s ok that you never figured out the “big group of friends who do things together”. You can’t figure out everything in life.

I’m really shitty at matching schedules.

One of the funnest parts of going to restaurants with my Sarah is when she tries a dish, makes a slight face, and says, “I can make this better” and I know she’s right. Knowing that she isn’t idly boasting feels like intimacy.

Notes for me:

definitely not interested in Napa Rose for dinner. The whole menu screams “Don’t eat here, Krissy!”

Storyteller’s Cafe has buffet breakfast with characters (enh), lunch looks good, brunch looks tasty, dinner is either buffet or same menu as lunch.

PCH Grill is buffet for breakfast and dinner. Neither sound overly amazing nor gross. Possible.

Ariel’s Grotto is so over the top expensive. It only works well for us if we go there on lunch early in the trip so we can eat the leftovers for two or three meals before going home. There is a set menu that’s just way the fuck too much food. I mean, you have some choices for the courses but you have to get each course.

Bengal BBQ is always a favorite. They are the best “We must eat soon or I will hurt someone” place.

The kids prefer a meal in Blue Bayou at some point.

I’ve only ever eaten at the Carnation Cafe for breakfast (Oscar’s choice, because Oscar is a smart guy) but the lunch menu sounds really good. Everything sounds good right this minute. THEY HAVE FRIED PICKLES. Ok, we are going to have lunch in the park one day. Yup. I don’t even care if I eat anything else for the meal. Fried pickles for the motherfucking win.

We are thinking about getting tickets to go into each park on one day and that’s it. That means pre-planning food choices in the park or I’ll miss what I want. Everyone in my family is looking forward to just relaxing and hanging out for a bit. The day we get down there we will just chill and look around Downtown Disney. Then we have a rest day. Then two days in the parks. Then we drive home.

I did not know that the Disneyland Hotel does afternoon tea.

But… the French Market… technically they have the Jambalaya in the Blue Bayou. I could skip it. I guess. That’s one of my favorite restaurants.

I gotta stop. I’m making myself really hungry.