Today I get to drive to my chiropractors, then go to the bank, then drive to San Jose for intravenous vitamins, then come back home. Do chores and help get the house set up for my absence next week. Double check my packing. Then drive back to Santa Clara for family therapy. Wheeee.

We have some stuff to discuss that is very important. My children are expressing that they need help talking about some big feelings. Yes, beloved. We will cheerfully and lovingly support you in that. It’s ok to have feelings that you worry might hurt me. I will cope. Let’s talk about you.

Tomorrow I get my first massage in months. I’m so excited. My shoulders hurt so much.

Sunday I will be dropped off at SFO at about 5am.

I don’t plan to answer my phone or email much while I’m gone. I need to kind of evaporate for a bit. I’ll talk to my kids as much as they need… but I’m not going to be very friend-available. I love you all.

I am looking forward to this trip so much I can barely sit still. I need time to just… be. I’m bringing two big fat books I don’t have to carry home with me so the weight will go away when I’m done reading them. (Pop fiction I’m not attached to rereading.) My friend in AK is a reader so if I run out of stuff to read he’ll have stuff around.

I intend to walk around his neighborhood a fair bit.

I intend to not cause trouble. We’ll see if I manage for a week.

Getting all the medical test results… is both disheartening and really interesting. I feel a lot less bad about the way I feel weak and inadequate in my body. My body does not really have everything it is supposed to have to feel strong and adequate. I’m not imagining things. It’s just true.

Calcium and amino acids. Those were the two things he checked that were “Strangely in normal range.” I drink/eat dairy like it is going out of style. I wonder if the SHEER AMOUNT of milk and cheese I consume is enough to balance things out. I will probably never know for sure. (God I love milk.)

Who knows. I sure don’t.