I can’t create safety for other people.
I can’t sleep.
I can’t reach out and ask for support.
I can’t stop thinking that the only way I will stop being bad is to die.
I can’t stop thinking about all the all the all the all the all the fuck ups. I deserve what I get.
I can’t stop being a monster.
I can’t be worthy.
I can’t be good.
I can’t stop crying.
I can’t be on a different path; this is the one in front of me.
I can’t be quiet enough with my crying to be allowed in the bedroom and that’s hard.
I can’t stop thinking that she will hate me now too. Another one bites the dust. I deserve it.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
I can’t stop thinking about my mama, about mothers, about how does any mother ever figure out what “good enough” means.
🙁
*Many Hugs*